Ep #30: Words of Gratitude for Dr. Angela Lauria

Hello, Empowered Principals, welcome to episode 30.

Welcome to The Empowered Principal Podcast, a not so typical, educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy, by refining your most powerful tool: your mind. Here’s your host, certified life coach, Angela Kelly Robeck.

Hey, hey, hey there, how are you doing? Welcome to The Empowered Principal Podcast; so happy you are here. I cannot believe it is episode number 30. What is happening? 30 episodes, amazing.

So for those of you who already follow me, you know that every ten episodes, I like to highlight somebody who has greatly impacted my life and the person I’m going to highlight today is somebody who is brand new into my life. It’s not somebody I have spent a great deal of time with until recently. And I am so grateful for this person.

I can’t wait to share my thoughts and love for her with you today. Her name is Dr. Angela Lauria. And I first met Angela through The Life Coach School. She presented at one of Brooke Castillo’s annual mastermind seminars and I was so enamored with her, her story and her work and all the work she had done personally and how she created this amazing business coaching new authors.

And I was fascinated with her because I wanted to write a book. I’ve always loved writing. My dad has always told me I was such a great writer, I was destined to be an author. My grandfather was a poet and I loved the idea but did not pursue it ever because I didn’t know anything about the publishing industry or I had no real idea of what completing a book would entail.

So I pretty much stalked Angela on her Facebook for a couple of years, right after the mastermind presentation she did. And I finally decided to pull the trigger and apply to her program. And in my mind, I was thinking to myself, “Oh god, this is not the right time. It’s just before the wedding, it’s just before going to Sweden.” But I thought, “You know what – let’s just do it.”

The nice thing about her program is she puts it into a nine-week component. I literally had like ten weeks before things got wild with the wedding and with the summer; just all the summer events that were going on. So I figured, well, let’s just do it. And I jumped in. I went all in. I made it through the interview process and I landed myself in The Author Incubator program.

So I was terrified and so happy, all at the same time. And it was from these sets of interviews that I went through that I learned that Angela and I are not only connected through The Life Coach School. She was actually a client of Brooke’s, one of Brooke’s very first clients, but she also studied life coaching under Martha Beck. How cool is that?

That’s how I know the universe works in mysterious ways because we have such a connection and a background together. So I felt like this was meant to be. And what I want to share with you today are lessons that I’ve learned through the process of writing a book. I can’t believe I wrote a book.

Lesson number one – I’m shocked… No, seriously, writing a book or doing anything that has significant challenge, whether it’s a physical significant challenge like running a marathon, climbing a mountain, you know, just exuding yourself in some way you thought that wasn’t possible, any type of physical or mental activity that you don’t believe is possible for you, you see other people doing it but you don’t think it’s for you, it brings about some profound lessons and insights into who you are as a human and what you’re capable of.

So lesson number one is exactly that. Lesson number one is this – I am more capable than I ever imagined. And this means so are you. Writing a book might sound like a massive endeavor to you, or perhaps it sounds totally feasible to you. Some people love to write and think no big deal, other people think it’s a massive undertaking. They would never touch it with a ten-foot pole. Either way is fine.

I personally was under the impression that it was going to be tough, but in the sense that I didn’t know the publishing knowledge or I didn’t have the experience of writing a book. But what really shocked me was the intensity of the writing itself. So I’m pretty natural at writing and I thought it would be pretty easy for the words to flow out of me, to get them onto paper and to be able to communicate effectively what I wanted to say. And that is not what happened.

It took time. It took grit and then it took some more time and some more grit. I would sit with a blank mind and a blank paper and a blank computer and struggled to communicate what I knew was inside of me. I had no idea that would happen.

Angela said it was going to happen. I, naively, did not believe her. And there I was, caught in this, “Oh my gosh, this is really hard.” And so over and over again, I had to write, edit, add, improve, change, create from a place that I did not think was possible.

I had to write when I was traveling. I had to write when my mom got sick and I had to write at times when I really, really did not want to, which basically for me is anytime into the evening or night, because I am such an early-bird. My brain is on it in the morning and definitely not on at night.

And what I love about Angela is that she continued to push us, motivate us, inspire us and encourage us to keep going because she knew that we were capable of achieving this goal. And I love that she believed in us when we did not quite yet believe in ourselves. I needed her there and I love her for that. I love this work she’s doing in the world. It’s so gratifying, not just for her, but for every author that’s ever experienced her coaching.

And what I learned from her and this process was that when you decide ahead of time that you’re going to accomplish something, it’s already done. The mindset that you enter into a project with of this magnitude is one that accepts nothing less than done and it is what keeps you driving to do the work, when in most other cases, you might just let yourself get distracted or you might even quit altogether.

And this was not just true for me, but for all of the other dozens of authors that I met at the Author Castle. Every single person in my cohort had a story of burdens and hardships and they too were somehow able to complete their manuscript on time. 100% of my group completed their book on time. And so I also learned that you don’t have to believe 100% that you are capable of something until you actually do it.

You are not going to believe that you are capable of doing something until it’s already done. That is why you have to rely a little bit on faith and you have to have somebody else believe in you until you have already accomplished the goal because that is what proves it to yourself that you’re capable.

Once you’ve done something, you know you can do it. You don’t know how to do it or you don’t know that you can do it until you’ve done it. So you have to rely on faith and other people to get you through the process.

Lesson number two – you will have to prove yourself. When you want something really big to happen, the universe is going to place obstacles in your way. It’s just how the universe works. It wants to know that you are serious with your request. You have to have some skin in the game, guys.

The universe is not just going to grant you willy-nilly every wish that you wish for, every thought that you want something and there it is you have it. No, you have to have some ownership, some responsibility and some skin in this game.

The universe will grant your wishes to those who are committed to having what they say they want. So, you need to be cautious and intentional in your thinking. You know that saying, “watch what you wish for?” That’s what I’m talking about.

Don’t say you want everything and everything right now; that’s just not how the universe works. The way I like to think about it is that the universe runs a few months behind schedule. It gives you some time to commit to your decision or your goal, and then it allows you to show that you’re actually committed to the results that you say you want.

And what I learned about this lesson is that it’s not just a matter of proving yourself through the obstacles that arise, it’s also about proving yourself to those around you that you are worth the price of admission. I had to prove myself to Angela and her team that I was the author she was looking for.

I wanted to be her ideal client. I had to prove that I was capable of taking constructive feedback without making it mean that I’m a terrible writer and just throwing my hands up in the air and just giving up. I had to prove that I had something meaningful to share and that my work is worthy and needed in this world.

Having to prove myself to Angela and her team gave me the skill set of stepping into my highest self and proving that I was that woman right here right now. I was going to be the woman in her highest self, giving it all I had. I love that lesson. It was such an important lesson.

Lesson number three – you do have the time. I’m going to admit it right here; I am so infamous for having tons of negative thoughts around time. As a principal, as a mom, as a wife, as a sister, as a friend, all the things, I used to use the not enough time excuse for so many things because I actually really believed it was true.

And I see other people doing this all of the time. We don’t have the time. It’s too much time. How am I supposed to get that done? And although I personally have concentrated on busting through my thoughts on time, they continue to creep in and stifle me. But this is how I know thought management is working.

Number one – it’s very powerful and number two – this work is forever. Thoughts never stop being created. You have to consciously choose to manage the thoughts and even when you do manage them, new thoughts that are pretty much just little variations of your original thought, they’re like disguises. They creep back into your life and they appear and then you still have to go to work on them in order to move yourself forward.

So what I learned is that for me, the thoughts that were all encompassed with this not enough time theme, they were relentless in my life. However, I completed the book and that to me is the evidence I needed that no matter what situations arose in my life or situations that arise in anybody’s life, including family illness, weddings, travel, business, personal events, even death – one of my fellow author friends lost a loved one to cancer during the process of completing her book and she still committed and did it. She had the time.

And you absolutely do have the time to do what your heart decidedly wants to accomplish. You have to decide to want it and then you will make the time. And Angela Lauria gave example after example of these wild situations that came up in people’s lives and they still accomplished completing their book. It was fascinating.

So basically, not enough time was just simply not an excuse that she was willing to accept. And I’m so happy that she drew a line in the sand around time and just kicked it to the curb. You either want to write your book or you don’t. It has nothing to do with time. And the same is true for you fellow listeners; whatever it is you want to do that you’re telling yourself you do not have the time, that is kaka. It’s not true and you do have the time. You need to create the time.

So to summarize, number one – obstacles are absolutely going to occur and that’s okay. When you’re committed, you will follow through no matter what. You will achieve the goal when you’ve decided to and you are so, so capable of having anything you want.

Trust me; I believe in you. And the reason I can believe in you even though I don’t personally know you is that I did it. I am your evidence that anything is possible. Know that obstacles will come up. There will never be the right time. There will never be the easy way, but it is possible to have everything you want.

Number two – it is possible to have laser focus and prove that you want what you say that you want. So when you see other people out there in the world doing their thing and you think to yourself, “Well they’re different. They’re special. They must be a unicorn…” or whatever you think when you see somebody accomplishing something magnificent and you don’t think you have what it takes, I want you to stop and compare your level of focus to their level of focus because I’m going to guess that they’ve spent a greater deal of time laser focusing on their goal and proving it to themselves and to others that they are capable of accomplishing that goal. The only difference between accomplishing a goal and not is that they’re choosing thoughts that say yes I can.

Number three – you are able to handle harsh criticism. I used to be this delicate little flower when it came to criticism. I had a terrible time giving any negative feedback or any constructive criticism and I certainly wasn’t able of receiving it; at least without feeling extremely awful, right. I had such think skin and what I’ve learned, one, through teaching, two, through leadership, three, through becoming an entrepreneur and four, most recently through Angela, is that it is possible for you to be direct and loving when giving feedback and direct and loving when receiving it.

I rationalized that Angela was providing this kind of feedback in a very direct manner to let us have a taste of how the general public is going to react when we put ourselves out there. And I thought to myself, wow, if I can’t take a little bit of direct feedback and some harshness form a person that I love and I paid her to coach me, then how in the world will I ever be able to handle anonymous meanness in the world? It’s out there.

Knowing that I can take it and it’s not going to hurt me physically other than what I make it mean about myself, I make it hurt for me through my thoughts, but when I know it’s truly not a life or death situation, it allows me to go out into the world, expect the haters to come and knowing that I can handle anything that is flung my way.

Finally, number four – there is no such thing as not enough time. It’s basically a lame, lame excuse. Time is only a human construct to the mind. you can 100% choose how you spend your days and nights. The negative feeling that comes with time, that is associated to not enough time, is due to a belief that you have that tells us we have to do everything our mind tells us we have to do.

Our minds tell us we have to work out, we have to call our mother, we have to cook dinner for the family, we have to run to the store, we have to go to work, we have to stay late for the PTA meeting, on and on and on. The reason you stress about time is because you believe that you have to do all of those things. But when you laser focus on something that you really want, you mentally create the space in your schedule to get it done. A task will take you as long as you give it. You give it an hour, it takes you an hour. You give it five days, it’s going to take you five days.

What I love about Angela’s program is that she purposefully pushed us authors along at a very quick clip so that we didn’t have time to stop, to give in to questioning, reasoning, just hemming and hawing over every little decision or going backwards and backtracking on our decisions or believing that we just had forever to write this book.

No, no book would ever be done if we allowed enough time to take place. You have to move along with a B-plus mindset and keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be perfect; it needs to be done. Keep going. Wasting time by fretting or procrastinating does not write a book. Writing a book with a deadline ensures a finished book and that is what Angela gifted every author in her program with. I’m amazed by her. I’m in love with her.

If you are a brand-new author and you are interested in writing a book, please consider her. I am not the expert on that, but she is and she’s absolutely incredible and I love her to death. So there you have it.

I want to thank you, Dr. Angela Lauria, for your guidance and for sharing your expertise with not just me but with hundreds of authors. You have challenged me in so many ways and I am so forever grateful.

And listeners, hey, by the way, would you like a free copy of my new book? If so, all you need to do is sign up for my weekly newsletter. And when the book is available, I will send you an E-copy to your email at no cost, just as a thank you for being a loyal listener. So if you’re interested in the book, go to my website, www.angelakellycoaching.com and sign up for the newsletter. It’s free. The book will be free and you, my friend, will have that book in your email as soon as it’s available.

Alright, go have an amazing week. Be empowered. I will talk with you next week. Take care, bye-bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Empowered Principal Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, please visit www.angelakellycoaching.com where you can sign up for weekly updates and learn more about the tools that will help you become an emotionally fit school leader.