Hello empowered principals. Welcome to episode 369. 

Welcome to The Empowered Principal® Podcast, a not so typical educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy by refining your most powerful tool, your mind. Here’s your host certified life coach Angela Kelly Robeck. 

Well, hello, my empowered principals. How are you doing today? Happy January of 2025. Here we are already in week three of the new calendar year. How is it feeling?

I read somewhere online that people drop their New Year’s resolutions around the 18th or 19th day of the month. And we’re right around that time of year. So if the magic of New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day and the magic of the new year has worn off for you, it’s understandable. And if you want the magic to continue all throughout 2025, come on in to the Empowered Principal Collaborative, where magic is happening every single week, where we drop all of the heaviness and we let go of what’s causing us so much pain and we lighten up and we have some fun and we brainstorm solutions and we feel empowered week after week after week.

I cannot tell you the magic of coaching. It has changed so many things in my life, so many relationships in my life, including with myself, so much more potential that I have tapped into, into who I am and my relationship with myself, my relationship with other people, my ability to put myself out into the world, and to not let fear be in the driver’s seat every single day. Or resentment to be in the driver’s seat. Or the fear of pain. The fear of failure. The fear of embarrassment. That was a big one for me. I didn’t never wanted to feel embarrassed.

And now, here I am, 369 episodes later, putting myself out there, getting, you know, all the love, but also teased, ridiculed, embarrassed, ashamed, people hating on me, people making fun of my podcast, telling me to f* off. I literally got a response that said f* off with all of the letters in the word. And I can handle it. It’s just, it’s such a beautiful, magical experience. I’ve really let go of many things from my past, particularly the last, particularly, how do you say that word? It sounded like I put in 10 extra syllables, but particularly the last couple of years of my personal life, there was something so magical about New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day for me where I genuinely released old pain, old decisions, past guilt, past mistakes, past decisions that didn’t seemingly serve me. And I just decided to embrace the future.

I’m future-focused. I’m looking at what I can do and what could be and possibility and expanding my potential as a coach, as a person, as a family member, as a friend. I just want to live. I want to feel good. I want to be alive and experience all that life has to offer. The highs, the lows, and everything in between. I want to expand my capacity and live the biggest year of my life.

And I believe that anytime I go through a major transformation, my clients get exponentially more powerful coaching from me. And in EPC, that is what’s happening. It’s unfolding before my eyes. The content that I am creating and offering, the coaching that I’m providing, it’s so laser-focused now because I do everything that I invite my clients to do. I don’t make something up and say go do it but I don’t do it, I work through it first.

So I know the challenges of creating a three-month plan because I’ve had to overcome those obstacles myself. I’ve had to notice the weeks that I did plan versus the weeks that I didn’t and the times I did create a three-month plan and the times I just kind of flew by the seat of my britches, right? I noticed what stops me or prevents me from creating a three-month plan. What prevents me from being future-focused? When do I spin out in negativity or in past or separating on the past and replaying the past in my mind and beating myself up for decisions that negatively impacted me but I had no idea back then.

Coaching is magic. I wish I could gift it in a box and send it to each and every one of you. It’s so beautiful. And today’s topic, I hope, is a New Year’s gift to you, although we’re three weeks into the year. There’s several weeks left. And I want to offer you the gift of no more Sunday Scaries. Are you ready?

If you’ve got a case of the Sunday Scaries, I believe that I can provide you with the antidote. So I want to start with just breaking down what Sunday Scaries are. Sunday Scaries, or I used to call them the Sunday Blues because I just felt this lowering of energy, this kind of lackluster bluey feeling where it was like, aw bummer I have to go back to work tomorrow, have to deal with all the stuff tomorrow. And one of my clients said, “Oh, I’ve got a really bad case of the Sunday Scaries.” He said, “I love that term.” So here we are going to eliminate the Sunday Scaries and say goodbye to them.

So let’s talk about what they are, because we’re going to shed light on them. Because just like the monster under the bed, when we turn the flashlight on under the bed, typically the Scaries aren’t as scary as we think. So what are they? What are the Sunday Scaries? When you break them down, it’s really an anticipation of an emotion. You’re anticipating pain, you’re anticipating failure, you’re anticipating effort, you’re anticipating time. Investing time, investing effort, investing concentration, investing problem solving. You’re having to invest energy, like physical energy, mental energy, emotional energy, and you’re anticipating the failure of trying to solve a problem or the failure of a communication or a conversation or the failure of not getting your test scores where you want them or turning a teacher around.

We spend so much time anticipating failure, anticipating pain, and that’s what the Sunday Scaries are. It’s a shift in thinking. So when you think about Friday and you think about Saturday, what your thoughts are focused on, you’re looking forward to the weekend. You’re thinking about going out or being with your friends or your family or resting or catching up on sleep, doing your errands, getting your hair done, whatever, going on a weekend trip, or just cuddling in and snuggling in for the weekend. But you’re thinking about the anticipation of positive experiences, happy feelings, rest, play, connection, engagement, leisure, pleasure, relaxation, you’re looking forward and you’re anticipating positive experiences, positive emotions. And then we get to Sunday and we shift and we start to anticipate and focus on negative experiences, negative emotions, the anticipation of them.

So the Sunday Scaries are really just an anticipation of future negative experiences, negative emotions, just negativity all around or some kind of lack or scarcity, right? I’m not going to have enough time, I’m not going to have enough energy, I don’t have enough solutions, I, as a human, am not a good enough leader, I’m not doing enough, or I’m not being disciplined enough, all the enoughs, right? All the little tis-tasks, should things that we think we should be doing or we should be better.

So we’re shitting ourselves, we’re anticipating pain, we’re anticipating failure, and we’re also anticipating our capacity to handle what’s coming our way, our capacity to handle the upset parent or the gossiping teachers or the two paraprofessionals that aren’t getting along, or having to find subs for the week, or writing up your observations and getting those up to date, or having a tough conversation with somebody who’s not meeting standard, or dealing with a kid’s behavior, or that contentious IEP.

You’re thinking about your ability to handle or not handle anything that comes your way. And so there is doubt that sets in. So it starts off kind of like, oh, there’s all these things I have to do, or oh, these are the things I’m not looking forward to handling this week. And then it gets into like the feelings that come with not being competent enough to handle whatever comes your way. And then there’s doubt.

And then you’re just dreading what could happen, and then our brain kind of goes down this spiral into the worst-case scenarios. What could go wrong at this meeting or that meeting, or what could go wrong with test scores, or this teacher, or the student, or the parent? Then we’re just in this vortex, this spiral of anticipating pain, negativity, failure, and our identity, our self-concept as a leader, as a school principal or as a site or district leader.

Wherever you are on the bus, whether you’re a teacher, paraprofessional, office staff, nurse, custodian, counselor, bus driver, maintenance, technology, superintendent, everybody is a human on the bus of education and we all feel the same. So we all anticipate the what if it doesn’t work, the failure, the doubt, the worst case scenarios, okay?

And I wanna talk about why that happens. It’s like, okay, I can see where my brain’s going down this spiral of negativity or this spiral of anticipation of pain or what’s going to go wrong and it’s really spinning out, getting itself really worked up in a tizzy, right? And why do we do this? We can intellectually see it, but why do we do it?

Well, our brain, its number one job is to keep us safe. It’s wired to keep you safe. It’s protecting you. It’s like, okay, let me anticipate all the perceived danger, all the possible dangers, whether it’s actually going to happen or not. I want to think about it because if I think about it, then I’ll feel it and my fight or flight will kick in and I’ll have to do something about it. I’ll go into fight or I’ll go into flight or I’ll go into freeze or I’ll go into fawning. I’m going to do something to try and protect my well-being.

But here’s the problem with that. Our brain, in its sweet effort to protect us, is anticipating future pain that may or may not even exist. It may or may not be true. It may or may not really be happening. It’s not that it couldn’t happen, which is how your brain is so convincing. It’s like, well, if you step out of the cave, a lion could eat you, or you could get chased by a cheetah or a mountain lion or a big yak could come and attack. Right?

Like our brain is wired for survival, protection. It wants to keep you safe, comfortable, happy, seek pleasure, avoid pain, make things as easy as possible. And in the quest for that, if you’re not safe, if it can anticipate danger in advance to protect you, then you get to stay alive. Right?

And as we’ve evolved as humans, and we’re no longer living in caves and no longer hunting for our food and no longer out on the prairies or, you know, in the mountains and having to protect our physical life from every little thing, our brain goes into protecting us mentally and protecting us emotionally. So it’s anticipating mental strain, mental fatigue, mental pain. It’s anticipating emotional pain because a lot of the work we do as school leaders, it’s not always physical. Yes, you are very physical.

You’re walking around, you’re moving, you’re, you know, probably always tidying up, cleaning boxes, moving off the things, but it’s not a physically laborious intensive job, if I’m even saying that right. But it’s not intensely laborious on our bodies where it feels hard, and I’m not saying it’s not because I’ve been there. It’s emotionally hard. It’s mentally challenging. It stretches our very capacity to keep it together mentally and emotionally and psychologically every single day. It stretches our capacity to feel without giving up, to problem solve without throwing our hands up in the air, to come back day after day with the capacity to hold space for our emotions and other people’s emotions so that we can lead them, we can model for them, we can inspire them, we can empower them.

This job’s not easy. It’s mentally challenging, it’s emotionally challenging, it’s psychologically challenging. It’s testing your capacity every day and it’s expanding you every day. And the Sunday Scaries are simply a way of saying, oh gosh, Am I ready for this expansion? Am I ready for this test? Am I ready to be conditioned again? Go back to the mental and emotional gym and mental and emotional boot camp of being a school leader. And that’s where doubt sets in. That’s where identity work comes into play.

So one of the things we talk about in EPC is our self-concept of who we believe we are as a school leader. What we think we’re capable of, what we think about our skill set, and our experience, and our toolboxes, the resources we have available to us, how we perceive ourselves, how we perceive ourselves interacting with others, that’s our identity. And that work is coming up in the world of the Empowered Principal again this year. I’ve created a program around identity. I’ll be offering that coming up. But if you’re a member of EPC, you get access to all of it.

But identity work is the work where you expand your relationship with yourself as a school leader so that you really do believe that you can handle whatever comes your way and so the Sunday Scaries turn into Sunday Certainties. This is what I’m certain about. This is what I can handle. This is what I’ll do. I want you to think about your brain is trying to protect you and it’s spinning out.

It doesn’t want you to be in any harm and it keeps your fears on the front burner right in front of you so that you can be prepared. It’s like if I keep reminding her or him or they that they are in potential danger, then they’re going to do something about it to keep themselves safe. But the problem with this, as I mentioned, is that it’s not necessarily going to even be a problem.

So what happens is you end up spending Sunday suffering in anticipation of something that may or may not even happen. You spend energy, attention, time, focus, minutes, hours of your life thinking about work on the weekend, particularly the closer it gets the more we think about it. But think about how many minutes, how much time you actually spend on Sunday, or any day for that matter, just passively thinking about work.

The Sunday Scaries are simply about thinking about work. It’s not about working. It’s not about doing the work. It’s about passively thinking about it. Anticipation of work. Anticipation of conversations. Anticipation of tasks and projects and things you need to do. Anticipation of conversations. It’s not actual work. It’s not planning for the work or preparing yourself for the work. It’s not problem-solving the work. It’s not doing the work. It’s just thinking about it.

You’re thinking about what could happen, what should happen, what might not happen, what could go wrong. You’re thinking about other people, their thoughts, their emotional reactions, their words, their behaviors, wondering how to fix it or change it or make it better or to influence people to change and be different than they currently are.

But I want you to invite yourself to let go of those Sunday Scaries because they are literally robbing you from minutes and hours and days of your life. They are unproductive minutes that don’t result in a plan or the completion of a project or a task. They’re not productive in any way. They’re not creating memories. They’re taking away from memory creation. They’re taking away from the experience of a beautiful Sunday.

Think about how you could be spending your Sundays, what you could be thinking about? How you could be spending your time? The memories and the experiences you could be creating. I want you to take a look at your past Sunday. So if you have chronic Sunday Scaries, every Sunday, whether it’s the morning, the midday or the evening, where you start to anticipate and think about and worry a little bit about you’re trying to be present with your family, your friends and your kids. But in the back of your mind, the to-do list is churning up the worry about how you’re going to handle something or the meetings or how you’re going to get this done or there’s too much to do and you got a deadline and oh my gosh oh my goodness oh my gosh. Take a look at the past Sundays like the Sundays before the break or the Sundays right after the break and I want you to notice if the time you spent worrying on Sunday positively impacted your ability to do your job and lead your staff Monday through Friday.

Was the worry, the anticipation of pain, the Sunday Scaries, did it set you up for success Monday through Friday? Or did spending a half a day worrying and feeling gloomy and feeling down and a little resistant and a little angst about going to work on Monday, did it make Monday better for you? Because if it does, if it kicks you into gear and you get some things done, okay. If it actually made Monday better, that’s one thing. But if it robbed you from your Sunday and it didn’t make Monday any better, it’s serving no useful purpose.

For most people, the Sunday Scaries are just denying you enjoyment and pleasure and leisure and the satisfaction of the presence of your Sunday morning and your Sunday afternoon and your Sunday evening. Breaking down the Sunday Scaries is really just looking at what are you thinking about? How are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? Is there something that can be done or that needs to be done?

Because sometimes the Sunday Scaries are like, oh, we blew this off and it’s due on Monday. Okay, well, since we didn’t do it last week, we have to do it today. So I’m gonna take an hour and I’m gonna knock this out so that I can go back to enjoying my Sunday. And then you feel good. But other times it’s this kind of blanket anxiety or blanket worry or this blanket anticipation that isn’t specific. And the solution to the Sunday Scaries is in the specifics. What specifically are you thinking about? What specifically are you worrying about? Is there something specific that can be done right now?

If so, do it. If not, remind yourself. I’m capable of handling whatever comes my way. I have shown up for the other past Mondays, and I’ve survived. This fear and this worry and this doubt, it’s simply trying to protect me. But here’s what else is true. What I’m looking forward to. What I’m anticipating as a pleasurable experience. What I’m, who I’m looking forward to connecting with. What I’m looking forward to accomplishing this week, how I’m going to feel by the end of the week when I get these things done, how I want to feel going into Monday, who I want to be this Monday.

There’s so much opportunity to look at what could be and what working and possibility and expanding your potential as a leader versus spinning out and stagnating on what isn’t working and what didn’t get done and you’re not going to have enough time or you’re not going to have enough mental capacity or you’re emotionally spent and these people are driving me crazy and I don’t really enjoy my job. There’s nothing. It goes into all or nothing thinking. There’s just nothing I really like.

And you can stew in the Scary Sundays if it serves you, but I haven’t met a person that it’s actually served. It can pop up and you can handle it or you can coach yourself through it and realize that the anticipation of a negative experience, it’s kind of an illusion that your brain makes to keep you safe. But when you’ve got your own back and you have the confidence in your capabilities and you trust yourself that I will handle it however I need to handle it and I’ll know what to do in the moment and if I don’t I’ll seek out the support I need to handle it the best I can in the moment. You always make it through.

Monday can be marvelous. Tuesday can be terrific. Wednesday can be wonderful. Thursday can be thriving. Friday can be fantastic. And Saturday and Sunday can be satisfying and full of certainty that you are one amazing empowered principal.

Come on in to EPC, we’re waiting for you, there’s spots available. We can’t wait to meet you. We look forward to working with you. In EPC, the Empowered Principal Collaborative, I’ve got some real powerhouse principals in there, come join us. We love you guys so much, take great care of yourselves.

Don’t let the Sunday Scaries get you. I’ll talk to you guys next week. Take good care. Bye!

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Empowered Principal® Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, please visit angelakellycoaching.com where you can sign up for weekly updates and learn more about the tools that will help you become an emotionally fit school leader. 

Hello empowered principals. Welcome to episode 367. 

Welcome to The Empowered Principal® Podcast, a not so typical educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy by refining your most powerful tool, your mind. Here’s your host certified life coach Angela Kelly Robeck. 

Well, hello, my empowered principals. Happy New Year. Happy 2025. Can you believe it? 2025. It’s going to be an epic year. I can feel it in my bones. I am so freaking excited about 2025, and I’ve got some exciting personal news to share with you that I’ve been dying to tell you all, but I wanted to wait to make sure it was actually going to happen. So I’m recording this right before Thanksgiving, so I am being premature in my announcement, But by the time you hear this, it will all have taken place. Are you ready for it? Here we go.

As you’re listening to this podcast, in January of 2025, I have just relocated to Nashville, Tennessee. I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud. So as I’m saying this, it feels weird because I’m not leaving for two more weeks. But by the time you hear this, I will have already relocated to Nashville, Tennessee. And there is such a big story behind this, one that’s very personal, it’s very intimate, it’s still a little bit raw, had a lot of family changes and situations come up over the last few years, and I am now single, and I have decided that I want to be closer to my son. My son, Alex, I have one son, his name is Alex, he’s 25 years old. He relocated from LA to Nashville in 2023, so he’s been there for a year and a half now, and he loves it there.

I don’t know that it’s his forever home, but it’s a for now place. It’s a wonderful place. I have visited many times. He has friends there. He’s got a job there. He wanted a change of pace. He wanted to experience something outside of California before he settled down. California was all he knew. He was actually born in Minnesota, but when he was three months old, we moved back to California. We had a two-year stint in Minnesota between living in California.

Anyway, he was born in Minnesota, but we moved out here when he was three months old. So he’s a California boy through and through. And we love it out here. I love California, but I also love exploring and trying new places and being in different parts of the world with different kinds of people with different experiences, different landscapes, cuisines, weather, I don’t know, mindsets. And I just think it’s going to be a fun adventure.

So I’m definitely committing to one year in Nashville. And for all of my coaching friends who live near the East Coast, I can’t wait to get together with all of you, my friends and family. I have friends and family on the East Coast. I have friends and family in the Midwest. So I’m just thrilled for this new chapter of my life, for the adventures that are to come, the memories I’m going to create. And here’s what’s so fascinating, and can I just tell you something? I will share more about my personal story as I am healing and moving forward, but one of the things I want to offer to you is I don’t feel I could have gone through what I went through without coaching. I don’t know how I would have gone through it.

I’m sure I would have gone through it, but the ability to have a coach to talk through the intensity of emotions and thoughts and the dysregulation in my nervous system at chronic levels, it was for months upon months upon months to be able to navigate that and to regulate myself and to still wake up in the morning, find joy in the day, to rewrite the script of the things that unfolded in my life and to make them a plot twist and to make them not mean anything about me or anything about anybody else, but to embrace that plot twist and see it as an opportunity, see it as the path I was always meant to take, and to show up with so much gratitude even in the midst of grief and pain and loss and suffering. I cannot imagine.

Sorry guys, I’m getting a little emotional here. I’m just going to share that raw with you, but I cannot imagine life without a coach, life without someone to process incredibly painful feelings and to come out on the other side, stronger, wiser, more conditioned, my capacity to handle emotion, my capacity to get up and live my life, no matter what comes my way. I am, I feel like a superhero coming through this. I am so proud of myself. I am so grateful for my coach. I am so honored and I’m so humbled by the love that has poured out from family and friends. As I enter into this new phase of my life, and I just want to share it with all of you because I know there are thousands of you listening to this podcast every single week. You know my voice, you know my story, I am as transparent as I can be.

And I am so honored to share this with you because it really is a spectacular, exciting change in my life. And I will tell you what’s even greater than all of that. Anytime I go through a major upgrade, up-level transformation in my life, it transforms and expands my capacity to coach. What’s happening in EPC this year is phenomenal. I have just upleveled in a way that’s extraordinary. And the people that are in the Empowered Principle Collaborative EPC, they are extraordinary. They are getting results. I had somebody just the other day say to me, Angela, I am so grateful that I found you when I did. I wish I had found you five years ago, but I’m grateful that I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. We’re just getting started. People are so grateful to have a group where they can come in and be coached. There’s also one-on-one sessions for the EPC clients so they can work with me one-on-one and in the group. That’s a bonus that I added. And it’s magic. It’s pure magic.

So I am so grateful to have had coaching throughout my life. I will never not have a coach. And I’m so grateful to be a coach because I see the relief it provides people, the transformations that it brings to people. There’s goals and accomplishments and yes we accomplish goals we achieve great things but it’s about how it feels it’s about getting through the hard times with grace and with skill and being able to navigate the toughest of situations and to condition yourself to be able to handle them and to regulate your nervous system and to come out on top to be so much stronger than you ever thought you could be. It’s brilliant.

And the beautiful part about this is that the way that you feel about yourself, the confidence you gain, the pride you have in how you handle yourself, being the most emotionally mature person in that room at all times, being able to handle yourself, being able to communicate respectfully and concisely and articulate exactly what it is that you need and that you want and to be able to let yourself have those emotional meltdowns and get that energy out. It’s just so remarkable and if there’s any wish I could give to the world, if I could hand out presents, I would give everyone the gift of coaching. There’s nothing else like it in the world.

For those of you who are listening and you’ve never tried coaching, this is your opportunity to jump into EPC. I open the doors mid-year, so throughout the month of January you can jump in mid-year. You start in January, you’re going to get a full 12 months when you sign up. You get access to all of my content, all of my coaching, all of my past trainings, past workshops, the workbooks I’ve created, the resources that I’ve created for school leaders. You get everything. It’s only $19.97, under $2,000 for the entire year, for the entire membership, for weekly coaching, for one-on-one coaching, for all of the resources. And I just feel like it’s such a value. If I were to price it on the market, I think it would be ten times its value. But I want it to be accessible to everybody. I want everyone who feels compelled to have a coach to come on into EPC and just experience the magic of coaching.

And I promise you, we’re going to do a session with the clients of EPC, because I know I’m the coach, of course, but you can take it from them. They are creating transformations, and I can’t wait for you to hear what they have to say about the magic that has been created in their own lives, their own empowerment, them stepping into a version of themselves that they are so proud of and that they feel capable of regulating in any circumstance. It’s spectacular. Okay, so that’s what’s going on with me.

As you hear this, I’m in Nashville with my son. We’re living the dream, having so much fun. EPC is popping. The doors are open. Come on in. I am going to be giving 10x to the empowered principal world this year. So watch out. I’m bringing it this year. So this is the perfect time to get in. Okay? I want to shift gears. Actually, not even shifting gears. This is right in alignment with what I’m talking about. I was coaching a client the other day and the conversation started off with her not feeling great about a comment that a teacher leader made.

There was some teacher leaders going to a conference and these teacher leaders were expected to go to the conference and learn all the things and then come back and teach all the people and change the world. The teachers made a comment to the principal saying like, I’m nervous about this. I think we have some teachers on our staff that they’re not pulling their weight or they’re not going to do this thing that we have to come back and teach. And I want you to think about this for a second. As leaders, we know the pressure of being a leader and feeling like we have to be expected to convince, coerce, inspire people into action. We have to figure out how to do that.

So we try to convince them and we try to, you know, sell them hard on why they should change and create buy-in. And that feels difficult to do because when we’re coming at it with the energy of I need to convince this person, I need to manipulate them, I need to control their thoughts and feelings and actions. It doesn’t land for people. Nobody wants to be controlled or convinced or to be sold to something that they don’t believe in, okay?

We love to buy into things that we believe. We love to buy things we want. We love to buy things that we believe are the best thing for us, for the kids. We love that part. We don’t love it when somebody is selling us something where we don’t think is the right thing, okay? So, I want you to think about the pressure that school leaders are under to create actual leadership where people are following their lead, like they are stepping into the vision that you’ve created and developed for your school. They are sold into that mission. They are on the same team when everybody’s flowing. That it’s a masterpiece. It’s a work of art. It’s a skill set that’s developed over the course of time within yourself as a leader.

So when your teacher leaders are nervous because they’re going off to a conference and then they’re being expected to lead the teachers, they know the teachers well. They know who tends to lean into resistance and who tends to jump on board and do the things. There’s a lot of pressure on them. So they’re nervous because they’re feeling that intensity of leadership, what it feels like to need to be a leader and to now be expected to have people follow their lead. So as I was coaching with this client, we started shifting the conversation from focusing on changing people to focusing on systems that are working versus systems that are not. So instead of seeing the humans on campus as being faulty, as being the ones needed to be changed. We look at systems.

What’s working systematically? What’s a little crunchy? What needs to be adjusted? What do we think will make this part that’s not working so great feel better for kids, feel better for us, feel better for the school? We look at systems versus people. People aren’t the fault. People are people. People are human. Humans have flaws, but they’re not faulty. They don’t need to be changed and fixed or reprogrammed, programmed, right? We want to look at the systems in place, okay?

So, when you’re thinking about leadership and you’re working with people, the human brain will say things like this, well, teachers should do it this way, or we should be getting on board, or we should be doing this, or we should be doing that. Kids should be getting into class, wanting to come to school, sitting down perfectly, listening to teacher, doing their homework, should, should, should, should, should. Any time a teacher or a student doesn’t follow the shoulds, I call this a mental manual. We have this mental handbook of how children should behave, how teachers should behave, how paraprofessionals should behave, how office staff should behave, how our counselors, nurses, bus drivers, lunch duty, yard duty. We have a manual for how everybody should do things and how we should do things. And then when people don’t do the shoulds, there’s a gap between what they’re doing and what they should be doing or shouldn’t.

Kids shouldn’t be disrespectful. Kids shouldn’t get out of their seats. Kids shouldn’t, whatever, touch each other. We have all of these shoulds and shouldn’ts. Now, I’m not saying, no, don’t have rules. I’m not saying we don’t want to have a set of standards and practices and boundaries and consequences for non-appropriate behavior. What I’m saying is when there is a teacher that we’re labeling as resistant or that somebody is not behaving in the way that we would like them to, our brain is like, well, they should do this. They shouldn’t do that. Okay. I’m going to speak to this in terms of students, because I think it’s easiest to wrap your head around it. 

When you have a child in a classroom and they are not behaving in the way the teacher wants them to behave, they’re not in alignment with the rest of the class. Let’s say we have one student who’s dysregulated, maybe to an extreme measure, maybe they’re never sitting down or they’re wandering around or they’re touching things that they shouldn’t be touching, right? And they’re not behaving in a way they should. We can sit down as teachers and principals and parents and say, look, here’s what should be happening, but they’re not doing that.

Instead of putting all the shoulds on the table and all the shouldn’ts on the table and then discussing what’s not happening, basically like here’s what should be happening and here’s what shouldn’t be happening but here’s what is happening, I invite you to take all of the shoulds and wipe them off the table. Here’s why. 

When you think that a teacher or a student should be doing something but they’re not, how do you feel? You’re very frustrated. You get upset. It’s frustrating, you might be angry, you might be discouraged, you might be disappointed, but you’re going to feel a negative emotion. And now you are dysregulated. When you think this should be happening, this shouldn’t be happening, you’re going to feel very frustrated, angry, upset, something along those lines. But if you take all the shoulds off the table and you’re like, what is happening? Not what should be happening or what shouldn’t be happening, but what is happening? So when you have a student or a staff member and you’re thinking to yourself, they should be doing this or they shouldn’t be doing this, we wipe all of those shoulds off the table and all of those shouldn’ts and we just say, what is? What is happening?

Well, what’s happening is the student is getting up out of the desk and walking around the classroom when the teacher is teaching or the students are supposed to be working. So student A is sitting, student B is sitting, student C is sitting, student D, E, F, G, sitting. Student Z is walking around. Oh, okay. When they shouldn’t or they should, when those are gone, we’re just talking about what is, now you’ve neutralized it. Student is getting up out of chair. Then the question becomes why? We remove all of our frustration when we take away the shoulds and shouldn’ts and we look at what’s happening, why it’s happening, what we speculate might be happening, and here’s what you’re doing.

You’re getting your emotional regulation system neutralized so that you can problem-solve by looking at the specific details of what the student’s doing, why they might be doing it. We’re studying the student’s steer cycle. For every behavior, there is a reason. We might not understand the reason, we might not like the reason, we might not know the reason, but there is a reason in a student’s mind. When they get up and they wander about class, they have a thought, they have an emotional energy in their body that compels them to get up and move around. Instead of saying you should do this and you shouldn’t do that. Why? Because I said so or because that’s the way it should be or because the other kids are because the teacher’s frustrated, right? You see where this is going.

The kid has no interest because they’re listening to their own internal compass and their body is telling them to move about the cabin. They’re moving about. They feel compelled to do it. There’s an energy in that body that says, move right now. I can’t sit here. I don’t want to do this work, or I feel completely restless right now, or I don’t understand what the person’s saying, or I don’t speak this language, or I don’t know how to write this down. We don’t know, but we want to study it, not from a place of should or shouldn’t, but from a place of what is.

And what I have found to be true is that if we stop and notice teachers that are resistant, we should say, well, they shouldn’t be resistant. No, but why are they resistant? Why might they be resistant? What do we speculate? We can’t know unless we ask them directly, but it changes how you feel. You shift from being frustrated, mad, and upset, and what am I going to do about this, and how am I going to fix this teacher who’s so resistant, into why might they be resistant? Well, resistance is usually in armor, and I can do a whole podcast on resistance being in armor, but If we take off the shoulds and shouldn’ts, all of a sudden you have a teacher who, well, they are receiving feedback and not applying it, or they are asking for input, but then they’re rejecting it.

You know how people will say, like, I need help with this, and then you give them five ideas, and they’re like, yeah, but that, oh, I tried that, but yes, but, yes, but, yes, but, you might have that. Why might somebody be doing that? Then you’re into problem-solving mode. The solutions are in the specifics. Our brain wants to go into ambiguity. They should be doing this, but they’re not. But we don’t, well, why? Let’s speculate, let’s wonder, let’s ponder, let’s contemplate this. Take the shoulds off the table, focus on what is, and ask why, contemplate that, and dig deep into the specifics. you will find yourself much less in frustration and much more into curiosity, which brings you to solutions.

Take the shoulds off the table. Happy New Year. I love you all so much. If you live near Nashville, let me know. Let’s meet up. I would love to meet you in person. Have an amazing 2025. Come on into EPC while the doors are open. You will not regret it one minute. It’s a blast, we have so much fun, and you feel better about yourself, about your staff, your students, and your school. Come on in. Happy 2025. I’ll talk to y’all next week. Take care. Bye!

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Empowered Principal® Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, please visit angelakellycoaching.com where you can sign up for weekly updates and learn more about the tools that will help you become an emotionally fit school leader.

Hello empowered principals. Welcome to episode 365. 

Welcome to The Empowered Principal® Podcast, a not so typical educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy by refining your most powerful tool, your mind. Here’s your host certified life coach Angela Kelly Robeck. 

Well, hello my empowered principals. Happy Tuesday and happy holiday season. We are here. We are here for the break. You’ve made it. You’ve made it to December. Congratulations. I wish you a restful, peaceful, relaxing, delightful holiday season, holiday break. May all of your wishes come true. 

Please plan out the experience you want to have, make sure it’s balanced with fun and activity and friends and family and self-care and rest and replenishment. This is your time to celebrate the first half of the school year, and we are going to be holding the mid-year reboot for empowered principals this coming January. You need to sign up. Get into EPC. 

We’re going to be talking about how to reflect and celebrate in December, and then we’re going to reboot mid-year to rejuvenate and generate more awareness, clarity, momentum. We’re going to talk about how to overcome obstacles for the second half of the year, get you planned and prepared so you can feel good, you can remain rested, you can stay inspired, and you can lead. We want you leading with empowerment.

Join the mid-year reboot and be sure to register for EPC. The doors are opening in January. You can pre-register here in December. We begin January 8th. The mid-year reboot is the first week coming off of the break in January. You’ll want to be there. The registration links are in the show notes. So be sure to check those out and get registered for both the mid-year reboot and EPC. 

It’s going to be fun, invigorating. We’re going to get planned, prepared, energized, and ready for the second half of the school year. Have an amazing break. Enjoy the replay show. 

I just coached one of my A++ student clients. She’s amazing. She’s wonderful. She is a first year principal. I am telling you, it is magic what’s happening over here with the Empowered Principal® Program and the coaching results that these clients are creating. It is madness. I am so, so excited to talk with you about this today. 

So the topic of today is next level results. We’re going to talk about how to create the next level of results for your school. What I mean by that is going from good to great. So I was coaching a client this week, and she said she was working on her rubric for her school. They were creating their site plan and looking at their goals. 

She said, “Actually, I’m struggling a little bit to find the lack in my school.” She said, “We’re in a really good place. There’s a lot of good things going on, and it’s hard to find the lack.” Which I thought was so fascinating that her brain was struggling to find the lack. 

Now, to be fair, she said to me, “Actually, I’m harder on our school than I maybe should be, or I’m not sure.” This is her first year. So she’s trying to figure out what that is, how to calibrate herself. But she was saying, “I tend to be harder on us. I tend to give us a lower rubric score. But then teachers will say no, we are doing that. This is how we’re doing it, and this is what’s working, and this is where we’ve improved it, and this is how it’s being implemented.” She’s like oh, okay.

Part of being new, right? You don’t know everything that is happening on your campus when it’s your first year, especially when it’s working, right. If it’s not working, you know about it. People are talking about it or it’s obvious to you or somebody is complaining, or you can tell that there’s a system or a protocol that’s not quite working as well as it could. Or if your test scores are not where you want them to be. There are certain things that you can definitely tell when you walk into a school if it’s working well. 

Now, this client of mine, she’s a first year principal. So when she walked into her campus, it actually is a pretty well-oiled machine. A lot of things are working well. She said, “I’m trying to figure out how to write the goals so that I’m not discounting or dismissing what is working and what people are doing well. I don’t want to write a goal that’s already been achieved, and I don’t want to make problems up that aren’t there just to create a goal.”

So she said, “I want to find the middle ground.” She goes, “I keep thinking it’s too harsh. Then the teachers are telling me where it’s good. We definitely have some things to improve upon, but I want to have goals that have high impact.”

As I was listening to her talk, what came up for me as her coach was the brain is always trying to look for the next problem to solve, right? It’s looking for what’s not working so it can be fixed so that it can go on to the next thing that’s not working and fix that. 

Sometimes our brain wants to create a problem where there isn’t one. So I want you thinking about your school. When you’re writing goals for your school, are you writing the goal because you have to have a goal? You’re kind of finding something wrong so that you can spend time fixing it? Or are you acknowledging all of the things that are working and asking yourself to push higher than what the rubric is asking you to do? 

You might have a school that’s functioning really well where kids are happy and teachers are happy and things are performing. You want to be honest with yourself if it’s going well. Don’t create success intolerance by creating problems that aren’t there, or by looking to tweak something that isn’t going to really give you the best bang for the buck. If you have a system that’s working at 95%, 90%/95%, why would you spend all your time and energy for a full school year trying to get it to 98%? Do you see what I’m saying? 

So if something is working, why don’t we create new goals, next level goals? It’s going from good to great. You guys know that book, I think Jim Collins is the author. We’re talking about taking our school from a place that’s working and making it magical, extraordinary. Sometimes the reason we don’t do this is because our brain is like it’s good enough. Things are working. Why would I break it down? Why would I change it? Why would I push people to work harder and think outside the box and be more creative and all of these things? Why do all of that extra work if it’s working? 

Well, option number one is to let it work. Let it work until it breaks and then fix it. Or my recommendation and the approach that I invite my leaders to take is where are things working? Celebrate that, and let’s bring it with us, and then 10X that. Let’s take what we’re doing well and double down on that and go from good to great. 

Sometimes we’ve got to tear down good in order to create great, which is why the brain is going to resist thinking about next level problems, next level solutions, the next level of being extraordinary as a school and as a school leader.

So I was talking with this client. She said, “I always score us a little bit lower because I don’t see us being good enough.” But that’s just the brain telling you it’s safer to stay here and play around with tweaking maybe a 2% or 3% or 5% because it’s a known entity and staying in the middle road. But my personal coach calls that the miserable maybe, when you’re staying in the land of maybe. You don’t want to stay in the middle road. You want to go to the next level. You want to go to the freeway. You want to go to that higher level, okay? 

So let me invite you to think about this. What if your school is simply ready for the next level rubric? One that goes off the charts of the current rubric and extends you into greatness? You can make up your own rubric. If something’s working, don’t piddle around with the old rubric. You can take yourself in your school to the next one. It might not even be out there yet. You might have to invent it to create it for yourselves. The fun part about this is that it gives you greater possibilities to aim for. 

Here’s the thing. You don’t have to wait for everything to be perfect to take your school to the next level, to the next rubric. You get to design that rubric. You can bring your current problems with you and look at that rubric. So when I asked my client what’s coming up for you as I talk about taking your school from good to great, she said, “Well, I can see that we are really good. There’s lots of good things happening, but I wouldn’t identify us as great.”

I said to her there’s where you need to create clarity because that’s just your brain wanting to hold back from acknowledging the truth of what’s working. I think we spend more time holding our school back when things are working and celebrating them and then finding other ways to take us to the next level of greatness versus when something really is broken. When something’s really broken, you know right away we’ve got to fix this. It catches your attention. It just zooms you in, right? You can’t not see it. 

So for many of you out there, you know exactly the top three things you need to be working on in your school, do those things because that work is taking your school to the next level. But if your school is pretty high functioning, what else can you work on that’s not the same thing over and over and over, rinsing and repeating?

So you want to be honest with yourself, but you also don’t want to keep spinning on the same old rubric, shooting for the same results and the same middle of the road efforts. So if you knew you were taking your school beyond the current results of the rubric that is available to you now, if you were going to skyrocket past that rubric, what results would come next? 

I’m not just talking about academic scores and test scores and all of the current ways you’re measuring. Most of us measure by academics and performance based and we do our mid-trimester assessments, end of trimester assessments, state testing. We have lots of measurements already in place. 

I’m talking about finding other aspects of your school that actually enhance the performance and the experience for yourself, your teachers, your staff, your students, your community. Think about what it would look and feel like if you were focused on enhancing the quality of the experience for all of the people that are involved at your school, for all the stakeholders. What would a school look like that is at that next level? What would it look like? What would it feel like? 

So what we’re doing here is we’re asking your brain to project out into the future into your vision, and sit in a moment in that vision having been realized. What does it feel like? What does it look like? What does it sound like? How do you feel? How are you showing up? What are other people doing? How are kids learning? How are they engaging? What do parents think? How do they feel? What does your district think of your school? 

This is going to require your brain to go out into a new portal of possibility. Stay with me. I know this sounds very meta, but what I’m showing you that it’s almost like we’re playing in the little leagues on the rubric of the little leagues, and we want to go to the big leagues. But we’ve never thought about going to the big leagues because we’re so focused on looking at the little league rubric. I’m asking us to like even if we are in the little leagues, that’s okay, but what about the big leagues? What would it take to get us to the big leagues? 

So I asked my client. I said let’s just have fun. I said we’ve got 10 minutes left on this call. I want you for the next eight minutes to tell me everything. So here’s some of the things that she said. Teachers are prepared and excited and ready for their day. They have time to fit in all the curriculum. This is just her brain drain, by the way. I’ll talk about her list in a minute here. 

But they have time to fit in all the curriculum. They make learning fun with the kids. They’re building relationships. There’s a lot of trust building going on. There is an equal amount of time and behavior and emotional regulations for both adults and students. You hear me on that one? Parents are involved. Teachers are involved with parents. Teachers aren’t afraid to engage with parents and invite them in and work with them as a collaborators. 

Parents feel valued. Kids feel valued. Teachers feel valued. Kids are feeling successful. They’re excited to learn. Failure is the path. I loved when she said this. We’re going to talk more about that in a minute. Two kids are excited to learn. Teachers are excited to learn. Everyone’s feeling motivated. 

The kids want to help their friends out. So they’re learning collaborative skills. The topics of instruction are exciting for adults and students alike. We’re celebrating wins along the way. We are a culture where struggling to learn is not a problem, and we celebrate the struggle. We have a clear vision and a clear path. We have permission to keep trying things until they work. 

I just had goose bumps when I was listening to her brain go into that portal of possibility, and here’s what I want to offer. Go back and listen to that list again. What I noticed was it wasn’t about making the school board happy or the superintendent happy or the test score people happy or the state happy with all of the numbers and all of the percentages and all the awards. Right? It’s not about the state awards. It’s not about School of the Year, Principal of the Year. 

It’s about the way that people think and feel and engage with the environment, with one another, with the curriculum. It’s how we function as a little society within our school that makes it so successful. These aren’t the things we tend to measure. 

Now, I know there’s a lot of conversations about school culture and climate, and I want you to bring everything you know, equity, diversion, inclusion, all of it with the culture, all the culture work. Like, I don’t know all of the work out there. There’s a lot of work. Bring it all together. But what I’m noticing is that our brain wants to focus on the test scores and the assessment scores, but there are so many other rubrics we can use to measure our success. Be thinking about that. 

Now what I asked her to do, her homework for the week was for each statement that we wrote down. I take notes for her. So for each statement that I typed up, her work this week was to ask herself look through each one of these. Define what that means so that you can create a tangible measurement that you will know if you’re on the path to this achievement, to this goal, to the success. Right? So what would it take to create that result? 

Solve for them. Just brainstorm all the ways that that might be possible to achieve. So back to the first one, right? Teachers are prepared and excited and ready for their day. We need to define what does that mean, prepared? What is how will we know they’re excited? How will we know they’re ready? What will that look like and feel like? 

This is the tedious work our brain doesn’t want to do, but actually this is how we create intangible results by making them tangible. Teachers have time to fit in all the curriculum. What does that mean? That would mean prioritizing curriculum, identifying what curriculum we’re going to focus on, and what we’re not going to focus on. It’s around the time. It’s how we use our time. It’s what we make that mean. What does it mean to fit in all the curriculum? We have to define that really clearly. 

Now, I know this was her brain drain, so I’m not picking on it. I’m just saying that you have to get yourself to a place where this isn’t the final list. You have to weed this out and really define what it means. So it’s very simple, clear, tangible, and doable. But I want you to notice that the list is a lot about how people feel at the school. 

So I invite you to do this. What does your next level school look like? What are the emotions that people are feeling? What are the thoughts that they’re having about themselves, about their school, about their instructional quality, about their students? What are students thinking about teachers? What are students thinking about their school and their peers? What are your thoughts? Think about all the angles here, right? 

What are the decisions that are being made? What are the approaches that you’re taking? That just means your actions, right? What actions are you taking? What are the behaviors that people are exhibiting? Now, we’re not painting a fairyland with rainbows and daisies. Let’s be realistic. The human experience is the human experience.

This is not an exercise to avoid or bypass or circumvent any kind of negative experience. I would invite you to ask yourself what are we going to do when unpleasant experiences happen, when emergencies arise, when tragedy strikes, when trauma hits, when kids are dysregulated, when something happens to a teacher. 

Like I want you to think about real life scenarios, but talk to yourself about how do I want our school to handle this, right? How do I want my school to handle when a student is sick, or a teacher passes away, or something tragic happens in our community? How do I want to set up my school so that in the worst of times, we’re still at our best? Supporting each other, allowing time to process and grieve, and to hold space for one another. 

This isn’t just about academics. Schools are about community in addition to academics. I would invite you to even reconsider like are these academics teaching kids the skills they need in this current day and age? Right? You can go down a pretty significant rabbit hole here, and that’s okay. I invite you to do that. I want your brain to go for it. I want you to go deep. I want you to explore your thoughts and go deep and mind your mind, right? Dig down deep. What else is possible? What would work better? How good can it get? 

So take your school to the next level, and that starts with your brain, your brilliance, and your ideas. Go into that portal of possibility, and let’s see what can happen. Have an amazing week. I’ll talk to you next week. Take care. Bye.

Hey empowered principal. If you enjoyed the content in this podcast, I invite you to join the Empowered Principal® Collaborative. It’s my latest offer for aspiring and current school leaders who want to experience exceptional impact and enjoy the school leadership experience. 

Look, you don’t have to overwork and overexert to be a successful school leader. You’ll be mentored weekly and surrounded by supportive likeminded colleagues who truly understand what it means to be a school leader. So join us today and become a member of the only certified life and leadership coaching program for school leaders in the country. Just head on over to angelakellycoaching.com/work-with-me to learn more and join. I’ll see you inside of the Empowered Principal® Collaborative. 

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Empowered Principal® Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, please visit angelakellycoaching.com where you can sign up for weekly updates and learn more about the tools that will help you become an emotionally fit school leader.

Hello empowered principals. Welcome to episode 363. 

Welcome to The Empowered Principal® Podcast, a not so typical educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy by refining your most powerful tool, your mind. Here’s your host certified life coach Angela Kelly Robeck. 

Angela: Well, hello, my empowered principals. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the podcast this week. I have a very special treat for you. We have another interview. We’re just getting all the interviews on the podcast and I love it because as you guys know, I really vet people out. I don’t want this to be a big infomercial. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being solicited to when you listen to this. I want you to come to The Empowered Principal® Podcast and feel like you’re getting your values worth for your time. 

Today, I definitely have some wonderful ladies here who are going to share some amazing resources with you today, and I’m so excited to have them. I have Andra and Sarah, and they are the founders of the Principal Exchange and I believe also the Teacher Exchange, is that correct? 

Andra: So yes, it’s the Principal Exchange and then our other business is Tailored Education where we do have resources on there specifically for principals to use with teachers. 

Angela: Yes. Okay. So as you can see, I’m still learning about their services, but we had a little meet and greet last week a couple weeks ago and I just fell in love with these ladies. I love the concept. I love what they’re doing to support school leaders and to educators across the board, but their work’s really fun. I want you to learn about it, hear about it. 

So I’m going to turn it over to them and let them explain what the Principal Exchange is, how to access it, all the goodies that are inside, and we’re going to chat it up because I want you to hear the value that you can walk away with today as a result of the work that they’re doing. So welcome to the podcast, ladies. 

Andra: Thank you. 

Sarah: Hey, thanks for having us.

Angela: Yeah, so introduce yourselves and tell them a little bit about who you are, your background, and what inspired this idea, this concept of the Principal Exchange. 

Andra: Sure. So this is Andra from the Principal Exchange. To give you a little background about our educational experience, prior to Tailored Education or the Principal Exchange, we worked in public education as classroom teachers, moving to reading specialists, instructional coaches, ending on the admin team before we decided that we really could have a bigger impact outside of the schools reaching educators in general across the country.

So we started Tailored Education, and Tailored Education supports new teachers, principals. We sell like resources to schools. We do professional development. We wrote a book, Bashing Boredom, on student engagement because we felt like that was a big need. 

In doing that, we started seeing principals all over as we were visiting schools and building these relationships and seeing what really they struggled with and that they were kind of isolated, and that they didn’t have the supports that maybe teachers had through websites and resources and even just the colleagues in their building. That’s kind of what springboarded the thought of the Principal Exchange and getting this started.

Sarah: Yeah. As we traveled around, we went to all kinds of different places and found that especially in some of these places that were like more landlocked or small districts, it wasn’t uncommon for a district to just have like an elementary principal, a middle school principal, and then a high school principal. So there was no form of collaboration. They weren’t getting some kind of a curriculum to use. They were juggling all kinds of things, and they were there all hours of every day. 

I mean, really, it was just a struggle for them. We saw that. So we started to really think about okay, how can we help solve this problem too? Because like we value teachers so much, but we’ve got to have great school leaders too, and we need to fill their cups too. So that was really where we started. We kind of took that idea and ran with it, and it turned into the Principal Exchange. 

What that is, it’s like a platform. It’s a website, kind of an online marketplace, like a Teachers Pay Teachers or Etsy. It’s where a bunch of principals have came together and made their little like digital mini stores, you might could say, where they are uploading resources that are specifically designed for principals. These resources range from support with like classroom management, data trackers, climate and culture builders, really anything you could think of, you can find it there.

They’re putting all of that out there as a place for principals to come and find what they need so that they’re not having to create it from scratch. They’re getting new ideas and they can really save some time and feel like there’s some level of support for them too. 

Andra: We also found in doing this as we were talking with principals, a lot of principals end up having like a second job or feeling like they need something. We knew that was true maybe of teachers, but we didn’t realize how many principals felt that way. 

So to be a vendor on the page, it’s not a way to earn like a huge second income, but at least it’s another revenue stream for something that somebody is doing and already creating. They have these ideas that they can share with other people. So we wanted to support them in that way as well too. 

Angela: Yeah.

Angela: It feels like it’s like an Etsy or like kind of like an online farmer’s market. You can go to the little vendors and pick like oh, I need something on staff development or oh, I need something on like tracking systems. Or there’s different vendors. So the vendors are actual real principals and educators who have designed tools that work for them. If it works for you, you’re welcome to come and peruse and purchase if you want to. 

It’s such a cool way of just being able to share our experiences, our wisdoms, like our little area of expertise in the world of education and to allow people to benefit from that, you know, from the tool that we’ve created. So I think it’s brilliant. 

Andra: Well, thank you. We hope so. The vendors on there are awesome. They’ve really thought of like even categories that we hadn’t thought of to bring products in for. We also say like, if you don’t see what you need on there, let us know because there might be a vendor out there that’s willing to create it or has something that they didn’t think to put up on there. So it’s just an ever evolving platform. 

Angela: Yeah. It’s almost like you’re searching on Amazon, and you’re looking for whatever product it is that you need. It sounds like it’s in the categories and then they can look and see. People have different because it’s one approach might work for one person, another one doesn’t. But there might be multiple ways of doing it on the platform, depending on what it is and who’s sharing their information. 

So principals out there, if you’re listening to this, you can participate in one of two ways. You can be a vendor. You might have resources you want to share, and you can get a percentage of income on that. Or you might be a shopper, and you might be looking for some strategies. It sounds like mostly like tools, right? Like tangible things that you can. 

I think of Teachers Pay Teachers, right, where they go in and they can get actual downloadable materials for their classroom or for teaching and instruction and lesson planning or worksheets, that kind of a thing. So it sounds like it’s a similar concept. 

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. It’s just like that. It’s very similar to that. What we did was we thought had that mindset going into it, but we really wanted to make it so that like it was just for principals. That if you typed in like climate and culture builders or a data tracker, you’re going to have a bunch of different options that come up that’s related to your position and that’s written by people who are in that position too. It was really important for us for people to really be able to understand what that feels like right now to be able to support in that area. 

So we really tried to create a space that was just a really big support system for our school leaders because that was really important to us. The more we talked to them and we developed these relationships, like we just wanted to do something that could help them along on this journey. 

We started a Facebook page, and we started looking at what different things that like they like. We found that there’s a huge little niche of people out there that follow us that love just humor, some kind of like lighthearted way to end their day. So we try to come up with stuff like that just to bring smiles and laughter to them to lighten up some of the hard things that principals struggle and go through because we know that’s real. Anything we can do to kind of pick them up, that’s where we’re at. 

Andra: Right. 

Sarah: Yeah. 

Andra: Yeah. We try on our page too to put things that like draw them to be able to share something funny that happened that day or maybe even a struggle too. Because like we said, teachers usually have those colleagues in their building on their team or in their grade level or in their department that they can go to. But sometimes an admin team is isolated, and you don’t have that. 

So we really hope that our social pages and things that may be like conferences that we’re hoping to do in the future will really build not just the resources for our principals, but also that community for them and that place of support and understanding of like-minded people that have the same struggles and can laugh at the same kind of things that maybe if not, you’re going to be crying about. 

Angela: Yes. I know your story, but I would love for you to share your story. Like, what is your relationship with school leadership? Because I’m sure the listeners, you’re saying they and them and they’re like wait a minute, what’s going on here? So like tell the story of your relationship as it relates to school leadership, the position of school leadership. 

Andra: Sure. So starting like prior to either of these, like I kind of gave a little glimpse into earlier, both of us have our admin degree, and we’ve had that experience like in a school itself before coming out for Tailored and the Principal Exchange. 

Even being instructional coaches. I think that’s when we first got a glimpse of where the lack of resources because a lot of the times what we were doing when we weren’t working with students and things was creating those resources for the principal in our building. As we became more of the admin team, like seeing that those resources were missing. So it kind of started there. 

Then our relationship with principals and school leaders has really expanded as we started with Tailored, as we’re going around to support new teachers and do professional development and go to conferences through the lens of Tailored Education. We’ve talked with so many principals and they’ve shared with us that they are lacking in these resources. Or if we share something oh, I never thought of that and things like that. 

Sarah: Yeah, we spend a lot of time in school buildings now as more on like the consultant side of things. So when we’re working with brand new teachers who come in without licenses and helping them get through the steps to get there. We are working closely with those principals to see like who needs what. Where are we? We try to be super aligned with coaching that we’re giving, making sure it’s aligned to school initiatives and stuff like that. 

So in building these relationships with people, really it’s easy when you’re in your own building to think like is it just here? Is it just this district? Like what happens if I go somewhere else? But we’ve now worked with many different even states. We’ve been to several different states and worked with principals in so many school districts and it’s everywhere. So when we really stepped out of that and saw like that, it’s everywhere. We were like okay we’ve got to help. We’ve got to help do something.

Angela: Yeah. The reason I ask that question, just to reiterate it, is that sometimes principals and district leaders, we can think that if a person hasn’t been in the position or hasn’t served on the position then they don’t really know the position, which there is definitely a layer of truth to that. 

Why I love what these ladies are doing is that they’re approaching supporting site and district leaders from the lens of instructional coaching, the lens of teaching, to be able to provide you as the leader with the tools that bridge between the leader and the teachers. To help you from that lens of instructional coaching or from the lens of a teacher to really help you be a better leader, to help you have the tools you need in hand that will relate and be relevant to instructional coaches or to the classroom.

So that it’s not just principals leading the way leading principals. It’s a teamwork approach where we’ve got the instructional coach lens. We have the teacher lens and the site administrator lens all coming together to share ideas, tools, strategies that will allow you to do your job to the best of your capacity because you’re looking through multiple lenses. It’s not just this one area of focus. 

Because I’m pretty particular. I understand that leaders are like well I don’t want people coaching me if they haven’t done the job. This isn’t coaching. This is a marketplace. This is a venue for you to be able to go shopping and make your own decisions about what resources you need and which ones fit best. It’s just the platform. 

They’re providing the opportunity for you to go shopping and to have access to these resources that otherwise wouldn’t be accessible. Like they would be just kept in the hearts and the minds of the individual who created them. You’re giving people a voice and a space and a platform to share that, which then inspires other people to be like what can I share? Now we’ve got a community of collaboration and connection and building up one another, focusing on strengths, focusing on what’s working. It all comes together through these multiple lenses. 

Sarah: That was a big thing. We moved from being classroom teachers into instructional coaches. Then we took on major school leadership roles when like COVID hit and people got spread out. You had to step into those shoes, processing referrals, running IEP meetings, balancing frustrated parents, answering the phone calls, and just being there to step in all the time. 

That lens thing that you were talking about is so important because it’s so easy for teachers to be like well, they don’t understand what I’m doing or they don’t care about how hard it is in my classroom. As a school leader and as an instructional coach, a lot of times we found like sometimes teachers can struggle to see the bigger picture, like more than just on their hallway.

We really tried to, in all of the roles that we’ve had, bridge those gaps. Relationships has been our number one thing from day one before we even started any of this and helping bridge those viewpoints and just let everyone see that we’re all on the same team. Sometimes it’s just little bits of information that get lost in the middle. 

Andra: Right. The team that we were on before we left the school there were people from different backgrounds and stuff. So it was kind of we brought all those pieces. But as we travel around, we see if you’re the only principal in a school and you only came from one pathway, maybe the Principal Exchange platform can help you have those other lenses or bring those strengths that maybe you don’t have yourself in. 

From people who are really good at making data spreadsheets. That’s not your strength, but you don’t have a big enough team to have somebody on that team that has that strength. So hopefully the platform itself can play off that as well and provide that for people who have a smaller team, or maybe they have the same strengths and they’re looking for resources and things from people that come from those different viewpoints or that different pathway. 

Angela: Yes. Another thing I love about this, like it takes teamwork to such a deeper level, that we are all on the same team as educators. That we’re all out there, regardless of what state we’re in, what city we serve, what community, what school. We’re all trying to do our best to serve kids in the best way possible. 

What this does is it brings a layer of teamwork and collaboration that otherwise, like the way that the system’s currently set up, it’s like who’s the top school, and what’s the top score, and principal of the year, teacher of the year. There’s all of these, I don’t know, accolades within the field. But what it does is it individualizes us and it separates us and it doesn’t build team. It builds like a competition almost. 

This platform, it’s a space where you can feel safe enough to come in and share openly and collaborate, but it’s collaborating across the board, across states, across private/public, across K-12. It really is like a hub, like the town square, right? 

A place where people can come and everyone’s welcome and everyone’s invited. It’s a place where you can actually support one another without feeling that there’s any judgment or criticism or feedback or score or grades that you’re trying to hide from or trying to better or one up or whatever, right? That competition piece gets dropped out in this space.

Andra: Right. It’s just what do you need, and we hope that’s there for you, whether it’s on the platform or this community we’re trying to build right now through social media that hopefully transfers to like a conference with the same mindset. Where we hope principals are going to want to come in and they’re going to be the ones presenting at this conference and sharing their ideas and what’s going well in their schools and things. 

That’s the future of where we hope this is leading to. Maybe someday like a podcast where principals can share their stories and things. All of that kind of community that we feel like exists in a very small place right now that we hope is a growing place for principals. 

Sarah: Yeah, that was the idea behind the name is the principal exchange. We want principals exchanging and sharing, collaborating and bringing their successes and their struggles all together, you know? 

Angela: Right, right. Yeah. I love seeing opportunities like this because when I was a principal, and that was only 10 years ago, it was completely isolated. There wasn’t anything. Nobody was focusing on the school leader. It was the teachers. Right? Everything was on instructional leadership, instructional coaching, support for new teachers. Like we had the New Teacher Center come in and provide like mentors for the first two years of teaching. But it was like, here are the keys. Good luck.

Andra: Right.

Angela: That was it. So I did that for seven years before I saw a need. My niche is definitely like I’m a life and leadership coach. I’m a certified coach. So I’ve been in the job. I can coach on it, but I also mentor. But I’m working on time mastery, balance mastery, planning mastery, like emotional regulation. So that is a coaching piece that the work is within. Right? 

Andra: Right. 

Angela: This is like you get to go out into the world and you get to have that external exchange of ideas and connection and energy. Right? You just, you feed off of other people’s energy and enthusiasm and excitement and ideas. That adds to the experience for students, staff, and the principal, which is it’s such a beautiful collaboration of the internal work that I do with school leaders and then the external like connection and collaboration that you guys are offering as a platform for them. 

It’s beautiful to see that there’s people out here like hey, paying attention to the school leader. Hey, there is a need that is significant here. No one person can. Again, this is teamwork. There’s no one person that can cover all aspects of this job or what it entails. I love that you’re coming in really from the lens of I see the school principal struggling. I want to help them. I’m the instructional coach. I want to. 

They’re telling me their version, their perspective. Now we can take our talent and perspective as an instructional coach and be like hey, this is what we’re good at. This is what we see that you might need that could really help you. Now we’ve got a true collaboration. Not like there’s collaborations, and I’ve witnessed this like you’re playing collaboration, right? 

Andra: Yes.

Angela: Right. 

Andra: Right. 

Angela: There’s what it looks like and then there’s what it is. 

Andra: Right. You can try it, but does it actually work in our both parts or all parts really involved? Sometimes that’s the challenge. 

Angela: Yes. Yeah. It’s like, is this a safe environment? Do I trust people? Can I be somewhat vulnerable? Can I be honest? Most times it’s no, we shut down. So we play collaboration. But this sounds like it’s an invitation for people. Like they’re putting their wares out for you. You know, so again, like a market. Take it or leave it. But it’s a matter of like people are putting themselves out there for the benefit of the greater good, which I think it’s an act in education that we need to tap back into.

Andra: Yes. I think also the vendors on our page are so awesome. We weren’t sure when this started, how many people would be interested in this, and who even had time to do this and things like that. But they’ve been so awesome. 

What I’ve also seen and what we’ve seen is as vendors put their resources out, and there’s great feedback on it and they have success with it, maybe that’s helping with some of that burnout and things because they’re thinking oh, well, somebody else has used this and actually found value in it, and it’s made their day a little bit easier. So we’ve seen that piece of it too. So that’s been really neat. 

Sarah: Yeah. When we came into this, we also we ran into the idea of like we also don’t want principals like having to fork out a lot of their own money for this.

So within the system, we’ve embedded places for like POs. There’s W-9 forms, things you can print off so that you can use like school cards and school funds to pay for this stuff because it’s going back to your school. It’s to help your school leadership in your building. We want this to not be like well can I or can’t I? 

But we’ve really tried to think through all of the things that might be a hurdle in a principal’s way. We’re always open for feedback. So if anybody has any new ideas or is like oh, this would also be awesome to see, it really is a space that we’re trying to create just to support the school principal. 

Angela: Yeah. So, so, so good. So if listeners are dying right now and they’re like, I need to know all the details, all the information, give it to them. They’re going to be flooding over there. So tell them all the things.

Andra: Sure. So the website’s just theprincipalexchange.com. When you go there, whether you’re looking to be a vendor or whether you just want to check out all the resources that are already on there, the website is the same for that. We’re on social media, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and all of that’s just the Principal Exchange as well. So we hope that, and there’s so much value in there. Of course, we’re posting and putting things, but value from other people and the vendors and things too. So it really is just a community that hopefully they’ll follow and find beneficials. 

Angela: Yeah. We’ll put all of those links in the show notes so you guys can check them out. Do you have any last words of insight of information that you want to share with the listeners out there?

Sarah: We see you. Like we see you out there doing the best you can every day, and we just hope that we can do a little bit to support you in return. 

Andra: You’ve been doing great things because everybody talks about teacher burnout and teacher turnover, but we see the principal burnout and the principal turnover, and we want to help that. We want to make this a better place and provide that support. So.

Angela: Yeah. Yeah. So, listeners, I just want you to imagine having coaching and mentoring plus the Principal Exchange in your back pocket. You’re going to be a rock star. It really take your school to new levels because you’re going to be doing the work that I do, the work that they’re offering. You’re going to have the tools and the resources across the board. 

That is what helps reduce burnout. It’s what makes you feel more impactful, more influential, build up your legacy as a school leader because this job is hard, but it doesn’t have to feel hard. The way that it feels less hard is when you’re doing the internal work that you need to do, building up your leadership skills, building up your emotional capacity, your leadership capacity, and having the resources you need at your fingertips so you’re not reinventing the wheel all of the time. It’s what it feels like when you’re in the position.

So I feel like this combo is just like the triple crown of school leadership, development and empowerment and resources. You have them at your fingertips. The links are in the show notes. Ladies, thank you so much for your time. Thank you for the meet and greet. We had so much fun on that. I really do hope that this is the beginning of so much more availability in principal resources. 

Because this is just getting started, right? This is just the beginning of this program for you guys in this platform. I can see it really turning in to a thriving city market, like a little town square market, right? So I invite people who are listening. If you’ve got ideas and strategies and you want to be able to share something, reach out to the Principal Exchange. I’m sure on your website there is a place where they can get more information about being a mentor. 

Andra: Correct.

Angela: Then if you just want to shop and window shop and take a look, you can do that too. So there’s no harm, there’s no foul. It’s just pure support, pure fun. I’m just thrilled to see these types of resources popping up for school leaders as they have been over the last decade for teachers. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for this service. It’s so desperately needed. I wish I’d had it 10 years ago, and I’ll do everything I can to promote it, to get it into the hands of the people who need it most. 

Andra: Well, thank you. We really enjoyed being on today.

Sarah: Thank you so much. 

Angela: It was my pleasure. All right, empowered principals, have an amazing week. Don’t forget, check out the Principal Exchange and we’ll talk to you guys next week. Take good care. Bye. 

Hey empowered principal. If you enjoyed the content in this podcast, I invite you to join the Empowered Principal® Collaborative. It’s my latest offer for aspiring and current school leaders who want to experience exceptional impact and enjoy the school leadership experience. 

Look, you don’t have to overwork and overexert to be a successful school leader. You’ll be mentored weekly and surrounded by supportive likeminded colleagues who truly understand what it means to be a school leader. So join us today and become a member of the only certified life and leadership coaching program for school leaders in the country. Just head on over to angelakellycoaching.com/work-with-me to learn more and join. I’ll see you inside of the Empowered Principal® Collaborative. 

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Empowered Principal® Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, please visit angelakellycoaching.com where you can sign up for weekly updates and learn more about the tools that will help you become an emotionally fit school leader. 

Hello empowered principals. Welcome to episode 361. 

Welcome to The Empowered Principal® Podcast, a not so typical educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy by refining your most powerful tool, your mind. Here’s your host certified life coach Angela Kelly Robeck. 

Well, hello, my Empowered Principals. Happy Tuesday. And for those of you in the United States, Happy Thanksgiving Week. Hopefully, you are off for the week, but if not, hopefully you’ll be off by tomorrow or Thursday. I wish you rest, relaxation, pleasure, fun, sleep, whatever it is you need, a beautiful Thanksgiving celebration.

Set the intention to enjoy whatever Thanksgiving festivities that you are planning to attend or to host if you celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving here in the United States. I’m thinking of you all, so grateful for you, so happy for you, just so appreciative of the work that you do, education, the gifts that we have to offer our kids, and I have so much intense gratitude for the gift of coaching.

I have never been in a group like the Empowered Principal Collaborative. The energy in this group, the wisdom that these principals are sharing, the insights, the breakthroughs, the transformations, the aha moments that are being witnessed in this group. It’s phenomenal. And I hope that if you’re not in EPC now that you consider joining us one of these days because the breakthroughs I’m seeing are absolutely incredible and I’ve never seen so much happiness and joy and fun and excitement, energy. It’s really got an incredible vibe.

I feel so good being in this group. I’m the coach, but everyone is coaching, everyone’s contributing, everyone’s having conversation and uplifting one another, and it’s like anything else I’ve ever experienced as a school leader, so I hope that you consider joining us when the doors open again, which will be coming up in 2025, and put it on your calendars. I will keep you all posted.

In this week of Thanksgiving, I want to share a concept that helped me as a school leader and it’s really evolved the way I think in my personal life and I’d like to invite you to consider this concept and apply it at work and then at home because I think and feel so differently than I used to. I feel like this concept is in contrast to the work we do when we compare and despair.

So when we are comparing and despairing, we’re looking at our colleagues or other schools and their scores or our colleagues and what they’re doing or our fellow teachers, what our teachers are doing versus what other teachers are doing, or the scores, or district office, what they’re doing, what they’re not doing, or we get on Instagram, or Pinterest, or Facebook, or pick a platform, and there’s people out there doing the million things. We’re comparing our experience to theirs. We’re interpreting their experience, and then we are feeling bad about ourselves.

Or at school, we’re comparing who’s contributing the most. We’re looking at who’s doing it right, who’s doing it wrong, who’s contributing this amount, who’s not contributing, who’s adding value, who’s not adding value, like what positions are more important, what’s the priority than others, right?

I want to offer this. I believe that every human on this planet comes inherently worthy of love, appreciation, contribution. Everyone on this planet has something of value to offer. Everybody deserves empowerment. Everybody deserves a chance. Everyone has capacity and ability. Does everybody tap into that potential? No.

We, as empowered principals, create awareness that we have the opportunity and the invitation to tap into that potential. Some people don’t even have the awareness. They’re too busy comparing and despairing. They’re too busy focusing on what isn’t working or why they can’t or all the excuses or all the reasons as to why they don’t feel good. They don’t feel the way they want to feel. They don’t accomplish what they want to accomplish. They don’t have what they want to have. They don’t experience what they want to experience.

It’s not that they’re not worthy or they don’t have value to offer or that they’re not capable or that they have something inherently broken or wrong with them. It’s simply the thought that I don’t have value to offer, I don’t have worth to give, I don’t have the ability to create influence and impact.

Something I realized when I was in school leadership is that every person on the campus, and I mean every person, is contributing value. Every single person. They have the potential to create a lot of value. Our job, should we choose to accept it our mission is to help theme see their value, to feel their value, to contribute their value through inspiration, through feeling good, through creating an identity of value, that we all contribute value, we all are valuable. Here’s the most concrete example I can provide. 

You, as the school leader, people might view you as the leader of your school as the most important role. It’s the most valuable role. And then everything below you, like subordinates, they contribute value but less value. Right? So like, it’s you and then it’s your assistant principal or your office staff and then it’s your teachers rank high up there, and then perhaps your instructional coach, and then maybe it’s your special ed team, and then maybe it’s your intervention teachers, and then it’s your behavioral specialist, your support staff, your paraprofessionals, and then, you know, custodian bus drivers.

We think in hierarchy because our world is set up in hierarchy. I want to offer that it’s not a hierarchy. It’s different types of value but equal, shoulder to shoulder, side by side, hand in hand. That what we contribute is of equal value but different.

Here’s what I mean. What I contribute as a principal has significant value, but so does the teacher in the classroom. You take the teacher out of the equation, we have less value as a school. We want to value the value. We want to value the person who’s providing the value. When you are out a teacher and you don’t have a sub, you feel the impact. There is a loss of value that happens. We very much value having our teachers in the classroom, and we very much value having a substitute when our teachers, who are human, need to take a day off, or they’re sick, or they’re going to a wedding. We need to value the position and the person in the position equally. It’s not more or less valuable. It’s different value, but equal.

Empowerment. They bring empowerment, they bring value, they bring power to the room, to the campus, to the school, to our mission. Same is true with paraprofessionals. When you don’t have a paraprofessional, teachers are going to let you hear about that because of the value it provides to the teacher, the student, the classroom. Same with our custodians.

You lose a custodian, you’re without a custodian, and you’re the one cleaning up the trash and the vomit and the broken glass and unplugging toilets that kids have shoved paper towels down or cleaning up lunch, you know, milk spills. You value the person’s contribution. It has tremendous value because of the impact it has on you to be able to create your value, your impact.

I want you to think about every adult on that campus and the value that they provide by being in that role and offering the service they’re offering. Without custodians, what would life be like? Without bus drivers, without technicians, without maintenance, without our technology staff, without our instructional coaches, without our speech teacher, our resource teacher, or our behavior specialist, the nurses, the counselors, your attendance clerk, your office staff, your assistants.

And furthermore, at the district office, Sometimes we’re like, what are they doing up there? Not doing anything valuable. They’re sitting around. They’re not working hard like us. I used to think that, so I could say it out loud. And then I realized, equal value but different. It looks different. It sounds different. It feels different. But it’s of equal value. That’s what makes the school go round. That’s what contributes to the mission, the greater cause. For us, for them, for the greater good.

So, as you’re celebrating and giving thanks for all the amazingness in your life, consider the value and give gratitude and appreciation for every single person on that campus. You don’t need to do more. You can just feel it, feel the appreciation, smile at them, say something to them, wink at them, let them know, tell them the value. You don’t have to buy them gifts or, you know, go out of your way and spend tons of effort, time, or energy or money, you want to just express your appreciation, express the gratitude, acknowledge the value that they are providing to you, to the school, for the staff, for the students, for the greater good.

When your support staff feels just as empowered and just as valuable as the teachers, can you imagine how much they’re gonna show up if they feel so valued as a custodian, as a bus driver? I used to run sodas out on hot days or bottles of water out on hot days for the bus drivers.

That one act of kindness, that one appreciation, or I just would chat with them. I can’t imagine this day, the kids are wild, just letting you know have a good one or good luck or what’s coming up like how would that field trip go? Little minutes of connection can remind them of their value. It’s easy to feel unvaluable when nobody’s watching or paying attention and yes it is our job to know our own value, but as leaders, we have to know our own value but know that everybody around us is equally valuable. Just it looks different, it feels different, it shows up differently in a different context.

And then, what I have learned more recently is I can apply this in my personal life with friendships, with family members, relationships, equal value, but it looks different. I can appreciate the differences in approaches and opinions and in personal values when I understand that it’s equal but different, but it’s no less valuable than what I believe in, or it’s no less valuable than my way of doing things, or the reverse. I’m no less valuable. Like if someone tells me like you’re doing it wrong and it’s like no my way isn’t less valuable. It’s just different equal value but different

Try that on Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your holiday. Enjoy your celebrations. Take time for yourself. Make this about pleasure, rest relaxation and fun. I love you all, have an amazing week and I’ll talk to you next week. See you soon. Bye!

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Empowered Principal® Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, please visit angelakellycoaching.com where you can sign up for weekly updates and learn more about the tools that will help you become an emotionally fit school leader.