Ep #293: The Value of Vulnerability with Erin Bowlby

Hello empowered principals. Welcome to episode 293. 

Welcome to The Empowered Principal® Podcast, a not so typical educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy by refining your most powerful tool, your mind. Here’s your host certified life coach Angela Kelly Robeck. 

Angela: Well, hello my empowered leaders. Happy Tuesday and welcome to the podcast. I have a very special episode for you today. I have been dying to have my client, Erin Bowlby on the podcast. We waited until she completed her first year because we didn’t want to stress her out. So she is here now. She has been on a girls weekend. So she is revived, refreshed, and ready to share her story with all of you. She is a first year school principal. She’s just completed her first year. We’ve been coaching together the entire year. So Erin, can you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about your first year?

Erin: Yes, Angela. Thank you so much. I started my journey in principalship last year, but I have been in the education world for 13 years. So when I decided to become principal, and I’ve been working on my degree for a little while. I searched podcasts, and so I found Angela’s podcast. I fell in love. That summer leading up to starting principalship, I’m like, oh my goodness. I need help. So I called her. Angela has just been great. Thank you so much, Angela, for helping. 

Angela: Oh, you are so welcome. You are a highlight in my week. You are just such a joy to work with. We have really covered an incredible amount of school leadership experiences in your first year of school leadership. Let’s go back. Let’s see if we can rewind back to the beginning. Can you describe how it felt those first few weeks? Like you get hired, they hand you the keys to your office, and you’re a brand new school leader. Do you recall what that felt like and what you were thinking back then?

Erin: Definitely overwhelmed. The overwhelm was there. Because although I kind of knew how things ran because it was my own school that I got hired on to be principal, it still was down to me to make some decisions. I’m like oh, this is big. So I felt that overwhelm. 

But through coaching, I was able to learn that I can be vulnerable with my staff, with my own boss, and my superintendent, and ask for help. It was scary to ask for help because you’re like oh, I should know but I didn’t know. So I asked for that help. I was vulnerable. I asked for it from my colleagues, some of the people who’ve been here forever. When I really needed that experience from other principals in my district or the superintendent, once I asked, they are so willing to step in and help me. I was able to grow in those moments. So.

Angela: Yeah, let’s talk about that. Because one of the things that I teach new school leaders is to embrace being new. To not try to pretend you know something that you don’t know or that people tell you fake it until you make it. I just don’t think that’s great advice. Because what that leads you to do is try to pretend to know something you don’t know. Inside, you don’t know. To be honest, everybody else knows you’re new. It’s not a secret that you’re new. 

So I know we coached on this, but what were some of the thoughts you had like before. Like when you are afraid to ask for help, what were you thinking it would mean if you asked for help? Then what shifted for you? How did it become okay to ask for help?

Erin: The thought I had before was that I’m incapable. Like I don’t want people to think I’m unable to step into this role. So it was fear of rejection, fear of people looking at me like oh, she doesn’t got it together. Yeah. So it was fear really that was the thought behind being vulnerable. Like ugh, I’m afraid to be vulnerable because of what other people might think. But my thoughts have shifted. 

So my thoughts now are that me asking for help, I just learned the value of vulnerability. That by being vulnerable, it allows me to grow and face those difficult situations. I’ve asked for help. I’ve had got lots of input from other people to help me. Then I step into that difficult situation, and I’m able to face that with calm and face it with the facts around the situation. Going through that situation then allowed me to feel confident in the end. Like oh, I did this hard thing. I was vulnerable, and I grew. 

But I’ve also learned that vulnerability has helped me to be compassionate towards others and make connections. So overall, those thoughts have shifted that vulnerability is actually valuable. Like, I don’t have to be afraid of what people will think about me. It will allow me to grow and allow me to connect with others in a way that if I just put up a front, it wouldn’t allow me to.

Angela: Yeah. The more you put up the front, the more disconnected you become. I also think, I love what you said about once you were willing to cross that threshold and ask for help when you needed it and to experience the emotion of vulnerability in your body, what you found out was that your fears, they weren’t even true. 

The asking for help, especially when you’re new, it doesn’t make you look incompetent. It makes you look competent in knowing here’s what I do know, and here’s what I don’t. I’m very clear about who I am and what I know and what I don’t. I’m willing to ask to learn and to know. People respect that. They honor that, and they embrace that. They want to help you. 

It’s funny because when we are holding back and thinking like I don’t want people to think I’m incompetent, all we’re really saying is I believe I’m incompetent. I don’t want that reflected back to me because I don’t like the way it feels to be incompetent. Versus saying, I’m new, right? There’s a judgment around incompetency, but there’s not a judgment when we just decided to say well, I’m new. Of course, I don’t know.

Then it feels a little less vulnerable because of course you don’t know. Then you ask and then people reflect that back to you, which is what I heard you saying, right? Like they were so happy to help you.

Erin: I think it really has helped create the culture I want to create here at school is, I want people to know it’s okay to fail. Celebrate failure. Celebrate the fact that you took a risk and did something new. If it worked, great. If it didn’t work, we learn from it. So I’ve been pretty transparent with my staff over my journey and being vulnerable and asking for help. My hope is that it will grow that culture of others being willing to ask for help as well or just take that risk. I’ve already seen the effects of that. 

Angela: I was just going to ask. What has the impact been? When you are modeling vulnerability and you’re modeling like it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to make mistakes. We just get up and try again. We don’t make it mean something’s gone terribly wrong. How are you noticing that influence the culture of your school?

Erin: I’ve had lots of people. They’ll come to me. They’ve been coming to me and talking to me about their struggles. It’s been interesting because they’re able just to tell me about things. Sometimes that’s all they have to do is just tell me. Tell me about the situation that they’re going through. I don’t take it on because I don’t necessarily need to make their struggle my struggle, but just being there for them. If they need help, helping them in a specific way that they specifically asked for. 

But I have a really young staff. So the thing that I love about that young staff is that they ask for help. They’ll just go I don’t know. I don’t know. They’ll just be totally honest and say I don’t know and come forward. But it’s been neat because the veteran teachers to have been like oh, this is new. I need help. So, it’s been a good culture experience of the school learning to be vulnerable and grow.

Angela: Yeah. It really expedites that growth and transformation because I think what happens is, and I teach people to balance. I want people to mind their own mind first. Like to answer their own question before they ask for that help. We want that in our students. We want that in our staff. We don’t want them running to us to solve every problem, but we do want them to know when they’ve kind of tapped out, and they’ve tried, and they’re stuck. 

There’s a difference between asking for help because you’re stuck and you’ve tried the things that you know currently and you need to expand your knowledge versus I don’t want to put in the effort. I’m just going to abdicate that responsibility on to somebody else, like my principal or my colleagues. There’s a difference there. Knowing that difference within myself. Like have I tapped this out an unexplored all that I do know. 

But what happens is, it’s the silo syndrome where people just struggle in isolation in silence. They don’t want people to know they don’t know because they’re embarrassed or they’re worried what other people will think. That’s the moment where we want to shift that around to like asking is the easiest thing I can do. It’s the fastest way to solve this problem. People want to help me. 

We have to believe in the people around us that they do want to help us. That when we’re asking legitimately for help, people know the difference. They know when you’re kind of being lazy. They know when you’re like tapped out and that you need like I just need some help here. They know the difference. 

Erin: Yeah. One thought I had while you’re talking was that my experience of being vulnerable and going through those hard situations has helped me to feel pride. Be proud of myself. That’s something I’ve never really embraced. It’s been exciting to look back at my school year and say I felt really proud. I did it. I accomplished. But it’s not really about the things I did. It’s just about this feeling I feel, the thought I have about myself.

Angela: What is the thought?

Erin: Just that I did it and I can continue to do the hard things. I can continue to approach a problem as just is and not make problems mean different things about myself. But approach that problem. That I have the capacity to address that problem. A lot of it all just stems back to my thoughts around the problem. 

I just have learned so much how powerful my thoughts are around situations. Because when I really stepped back, the situation is the situation. If I just changed my thoughts around it, it sometimes solves itself. I don’t have to make it a big ordeal. But those thoughts are what I want my teachers now to be able to feel. I want them to think about themselves as confident, as prepared, as wanting to be engaged with their students every day, wanting to come to school every day. 

It all stems around the thoughts that they have about themselves and our school. That’s why I’m super excited. That’s where I’m hoping to go next with my staff is helping them shape their thoughts around themselves. 

Angela: So good.

Erin: Because it’s been so impactful for me, the way my thoughts have impacted my every day to day approach to life. Not just school, but my personal life as well. So being able to empower. I love that word, empower. 

Angela: Yes, this is the epitome of empowerment. Right?

Erin: It’s great. Empower my teachers, all our teachers, to know the thoughts they’re thinking about themselves. That that’s what makes the difference in their classrooms is their thoughts around themselves. So I’m excited to kind of continue and figure that journey out of how do we get our staff to think that way?

Angela: Yes, no, this is such a powerful conversation because the entire Empowered Principal® program, its foundation lies in our self-concept. Our self-concept of who we are and what we believe about ourselves. Because other people can believe in us, but if we don’t believe in ourselves, none of that matters. Because it’s what we think about ourselves and what we think about other people that impacts our self-concept. 

But when you said I embrace being proud of myself for the first time, and like really being able to celebrate my accomplishments and wins, I think that is something, one, we don’t teach it explicitly to anybody. Two the moment you can shift into that way of like celebrating yourself. I think that’s the big eye opener. That’s like the portal of possibility expanding into like completely new territory for ourselves. 

Once we experience that, it’s like we want to give that experience to everybody else around us because it’s so magnificent, right? This is where I get fired up. Like if I can help school leaders do this and teach school leaders how to teach their teachers, teachers can teach children. Think of the ripple effect this is going to have in our schools. It’s going to change the way we approach teaching and learning forever.

Erin: Yeah, it’s exciting. I think that it brings the spark back to what we doing every day. It makes it exciting. But what I’ve learned too is that this feeling, this proud feeling has only come through the difficult situations. It was because of the difficult situations I had to go through that I was able to be self-aware of my thoughts in those situations and got through them with the best possible results. It’s because of that journey through those things that I feel proud. Without those things, I wouldn’t feel this way.

Angela: Yes. If your journey had been completely smooth and easy, I did have a mentor my first two years in school leadership, and it was a tough school. I was opening a brand new school, and she said, “You don’t want your first year to be easy. You want the first year to be hard because this is how you build up the skill set.”

So Erin in the like spirit of vulnerability, can we just share with listeners? You don’t have to go into detail because I know what we talk about is confidential, but let’s just give a summary of a difficult moment. Let’s just talk somebody through. 

So if you’re a listener right now who’s an aspiring school leader, or it’s your first year. You’re going into school leadership, and you have fears around all of the potential pitfalls that could happen. First of all, some of them are going to happen, but it’s going to be okay. We’re going to just share with you like the process that she and I use to talk through a difficult situation and how she got to the other side. So Erin, just think of something that we’ve coached on in the past that you feel really proud that you’ve accomplished having dealt with. 

Erin: Yeah, so conflict is always difficult for me. So when a situation came up where I was going to inform a paraprofessional that they weren’t going to return the following year, that has created so much anxiety for me. Because I didn’t want to do wrong by this person. It just wasn’t the right fit. It wasn’t working. But I had all these thoughts. I was like oh, it’s gonna be so bad. It’s gonna not work out. I’m not going to be able to face this situation. 

But when we coached through it, I was able to think more on just the facts. Here’s the facts. Here’s what the situation is and help myself know that it was okay to let her go. It was okay. It was actually the thing she needed. The thing that this person really needed was to be let go because they kind of make the decision for themselves. 

So having that situation come up and face it with instead of fear, we coached about thinking about it through love. How that when I approach these difficult situations with love, it totally changed my mindset of I’m not doing this to be mean. I’m not doing this to be tough and rough and the boss.

Angela: Yeah and hurtful.

Erin: I’m doing this because I can see that she’s miserable. It’s creating situations all around that are not okay. So when I was able to approach it in love in my own thoughts, it prepared me with calm and that I knew my conversations with her wouldn’t be hurtful. That coming from me, it would come from love.

Angela: Such a beautiful example, Erin. First of all, what you did was neutralize the situation. So when we’re in our own head thinking about how we’re going to feel in a conversation that feels like it might be confrontational, we get caught up in our own STEAR cycle and our own thoughts and our own feelings and how we’re going to feel and what we’re making that mean about us. We’re in thinking about us. 

But when we neutralize it, we kind of set that aside for a second. We’re like okay, let’s just look at the facts of this. I call it the math, right? The math of the situation is just here’s the circumstances of this situation. What we start to do is we shift over ion thinking about the other person. What they might be thinking, how they might be feeling, why they might be behaving the way they are. 

What we find out is when people aren’t behaving in a way that’s meeting the standard of a particular position, there’s a reason for that. The most loving thing we can do in some cases is to let them go for their benefit. You expressed that so perfectly. Really that is what I teach school leaders. Anytime they have to let somebody go, we go through this process. I agree. 

I think that when we can shift over into thinking what’s in it for them and how this is the best thing that can happen to them. We aren’t coming from how we’re going to feel. We’re coming at this situation. We’re approaching it thinking about them. They still might have reaction, right? They still might be sad or upset or storm off. 

They still might have an emotional reaction, but we can hold space for that knowing it’s like a toddler. It’s like when we tell them no, they can’t have the cookie, they might throw a tantrum, but we know out of love like yes, you’re gonna be upset for a while dear, but you can have the cookie after lunch. It’ll be okay. Right? So we don’t know how to navigate our emotions as adults, but this is what we talk about in the program. It’s just such the perfect example of how we shift over from that fear into love.

Erin: That was a huge, transformational moment for me. It was very hard, but it wasn’t so much doing. There was not a lot to do in that situation. It was just all mental. It was all my thoughts. So you really helped me frame my thoughts and get outside of my own thinking and think about the STEAR cycle of others. So, so that was exciting to get through that hard situation. Now I feel – 

Angela: How do you feel on the other side of it?

Erin: Yeah, so now I have so much more confidence in it and capacity to hold space for those difficult situations. It’s that I’m almost not afraid anymore.

Angela: Well, less afraid.

Erin: Less afraid. I’m less afraid. Less afraid to have the conflict, even little minor conflicts. Like, hey what’s happening? Tell me about this. Let’s talk it through and approach people in love. They feel it. They feel it right away. They know I’m not coming at them for pointing my finger at them. It’s a what’s happening? What do we need to get to the place of the standard that we want? So I feel I have much more capacity to do those things. When the situation happens again, because it will in my career, I have more confidence in my ability to do it next time.

Angela: Yeah. Because what happens is you shift out of fear into curiosity. Like what’s going on love? How can I help you? What’s happening? Because what you’re doing is you’re asking them what are their thoughts? In order to coach or mentor your teachers, or any staff member, you need to understand, what are they thinking and how are they feeling? 

We just want to ask them that. How are you feeling and why? That will create a brain drain. They’re going to download all of their thoughts to you. That is how you can help mentor them. Because we have to understand what they’re thinking. We can speculate, but we can’t know until we ask them. But it just shifts us into curiosity. I think if we can just stay in curiosity as often as possible when a parent’s coming at us, or we’re in an IEP meeting and it’s confrontational, or when we’re talking to anybody, our boss. We just drop into curiosity. 

I think it’s the fastest path to like, calming down our nervous system. So we’re getting out of that fear. Not that we’re not avoiding conflict or confrontation or any contentiousness, but we are dipping into why it’s there and understanding it so we can release it, and we can smooth the path and get back on the same team. That’s a thought that I know we’ve talked about a lot is we’re on the same team. We really do have the same goals. We want the same things. We’re just conversating about the approach to get there.

Erin: Yeah, yeah. 

Angela: Okay, we’ve talked about the hard stuff. Let’s talk about the wins because you have had a significant number of wins. So what stands out to you this year, in your first year?

Erin: My thoughts around time have totally shifted. Like, before, I just felt overwhelmed with all the things to do. Now I’m like, I have so much time. I can fit in and do all the things.

Angela: You mean during the school year or right now? 

Erin: During the school year. I know, right. It’s like amazing. I was having a conversation with the administrator colleague, and she’s like, “I just feel like the day just hits me, and whatever happens, happens.” I’m like well, hold on. We can shift that thought. You can have time and space to fit in all the things that you need to plus address all of the crazy things that happen throughout the day. 

Angela: Yeah. Okay. How is this possible, Erin? How was it possible because people listening do not believe you?

Erin: I know, I know.  I would not have believed it either. Well, one practical thing is Google Calendar saved my life. I really calendar out all of the things. Like the tasks I have to do, there’s a time slot for me to do it. Of course, there’s a little wiggle room. If emergencies happen, I will just move that to another little time slot. But being able to get into teacher’s classrooms, it’s slotted. The hardest part for me is honoring it. Like, if it’s on my calendar, I have to honor it. Show up. The more often I show up, the more often I will continue to show up for those things. 

When I don’t, it’s like oh, I don’t need to. Oh, it’s okay. It’s not like a real thing for me to have to go do, get that task done. But it is. In my mind, I had to shift my thinking around. Like this is my time to do it and do it. I think too that the biggest shift has been, in my brain, the biggest hurdle is the feeling of I don’t want to do this task right now.

The biggest shift has been just do the first 30 seconds. Just start it. Once I started it, it was no big deal. I got it. I can do it. It’s the thoughts I have, my brain makes that are you sure you want to spend blah, blah, time doing this and this? When I do. Once I can get my brain past that thought and just start.

Like yesterday, I had to make paraprofessional schedules. I’m like oh, this is so overwhelming. It’s gonna be tough. I’m like okay. Just open the document up and just get going. Once I got going, I was on a roll for an hour and a half, and I got almost done. Yeah. So it will probably change, but it’s okay. I know that. It’s got a skeleton. Yeah. 

Angela: Yeah. But that’s what the three month plan is about, right? 

Erin: Yeah.

Angela: That’s something we teach in this program. I teach you like a year-long plan to map it out and outline it, but then we break it down into 90 day segments called the three month plan. That’s where we get into kind of the tediousness of mapping out the details and calendaring them. But what I love what you said Erin is our goal as leaders is to have our own back. The way that we have our own back is to honor the decisions that we made ahead of time. 

So the three month plan is all about making the decisions around your time in advance. You’re mapping out your observations, your write ups, your meetings, your appointments, your newsletter. We talked about staff meetings and planning for those ahead of time. The more decisions, and we’re going to talk about decision making a minute, but the more you make decisions about your time specifically in advance, and you put that on the calendar.

Look, we talked about including time for interruptions and taking bio breaks and having lunch. Every little thing you do, every minute you spend, you want to think about that and put that into your plan. But it really comes down to honoring that calendar and having your own back. Look, every human brain is going to look at their calendar and be like ugh. I don’t want to do that. Like, I think we were coaching recently. Your brain was so excited to plan. Then you got to that day and you’re like I don’t want to do it.

Erin: I don’t want to do it. Yeah. Yeah. It’s like, ugh.

Angela: Yeah. I’ll tell you this. Every brain does that because we think it’s going to be difficult or hard or time consuming or too much effort. Like the brain wants things to be as easy as possible, as fast as possible, as comfortable as possible. 

But my coach teaches me something called a dread sprint. What I have noticed is that okay, all the things I hate doing, I actually line them up back to back. If I’m gonna hate it, I might as well go on a sprint and just get them all done. All the crap that I hate to do, like my taxes and my bills and like bookkeeping and all those bleh things for me.

Because here’s what I find. I find that, like you said, it’s the anticipation more than the doing. It’s that like once you like cross that threshold and you start doing, the momentum is already going. Once you have momentum, it’s no longer dreadful. Right? Isn’t it funny? Dread literally is only beforehand. It’s not during.

Erin: Yeah, yep. It is. 

Angela: There are moments where like if something’s taking a long time, my brain might kind of like ugh see, I told you it’s taking. But then I’m like okay, five minute break, ramp back up, and get back in.

Erin: Yes. So that’s been really game changing for me. True like in my own personal life. I would always hate cleaning my car or doing things. But I’m like I have time. I have time to do this. It just takes a few minutes. It’s like okay, just do it. Just kind of plan it and do it and honor it. The dread, it’s just that anticipation of ugh. 

Angela: Yes. I think the other thing we talked about was like we had to sell ourselves on the benefit of doing the dread thing. Like nobody wants to spend time cleaning their car, but what’s the value of it? What’s the benefit of cleaning your car? It feels amazing to get into a clean car. It’s organized. You’re not like looking for your jacket or your keys or whatever. I also think it’s a self-concept thing, right?

Our environment around us changes, when we change our concept of who we are. I talk about getting your office organized because your office is a reflection of your brain. When it’s all messy and piled up and unorganized, that tells me your thoughts are. So when your house is tidy, car is tidy, office is tidy, your thoughts and your brain is tidy. It’s so good, right? 

Okay. Let’s talk about decision making. You said this at the very beginning when you said when I was first hired, I was overwhelmed. There were so many decisions to make. I think understanding, I actually just recorded a podcast called decision lenses, like the filters through which we make decisions. 

I think being aware of our decision making is so, so powerful. Let’s talk about that for you. Like, can you just describe what is your decision making process? How has it shifted over the course of this first year?

Erin: Yeah. So one thing is, decision making is one of the parts about planning that’s helped me in making decisions is, I can say is this something I need to take care of, or can I delegate? So it’s helped me create more people around me to help make decisions than just me. So that’s been very helpful. I was just like okay, I don’t need to be the sole decision maker here. Let me share the decision making power. 

But I can’t do that unless I plan ahead, unless I do my three month plan. Because if I’m in the moment, guess what? I’m the one who has to make that choice. I have to plan ahead and be prepared with others around me to help me make decisions. So that’s tricky. But the three month plan has helped me with that. 

Other things is just let it be easy. Like changing my thoughts around decisions of let’s just choose the easier choice. It doesn’t have to be a complicated answer. It can be simple. That has helped me. Just let this be easy. Let my dreaded month of February where we do tons and tons and tons of events, let’s make it easy. But my decision around that is let’s make it easy but full of student experiences that. 

Two, I’ve learned that student experiences really come from teachers and their thoughts about themselves and their classrooms and environments. So it comes all back to thoughts, not what you do. So letting things be easy, has helped me with decision making, but also delegating and letting things be easy. 

Sometimes, I’ve learned to, with decision making, that there’s things I have to make choices on right away. But then there’s other things that I just need a little time to ruminate. This one doesn’t have to have an immediate answer. Let’s take some time to think through that. Usually, things will kind of make a path for themselves is what I found. 

So decision making too, for me, I feel like they kind of stem from my core values. Like, is this decision going to help me grow? Is it going to help others grow? Because that’s a big core value for myself. Is this decision going to be fun? Because I want others to have fun. I want myself to be able to have fun. So sometimes my decisions are driven by those core values of growing, of fun, or will this isn’t helped me connect with other people. I feel like my core values will shift and change over the years, and then my decision making will probably change too, but relying on my values has helped.

Angela: That’s exactly what I just recorded. The decision lens is the values through which you’re making those decisions. Like when you prioritize having fun, making it easy, connection, helping people grow. When you’re using those values, those are the filters through which you’re making decisions. When you make decisions based on your values, there is no wrong decision. There never really is a wrong decision, but the decision feels aligned is what happens. 

Like you said, I like to play this game where I ask myself if I had to make the decision right now, if I didn’t have the time to think, what would I decide and why just to see where my brain is and just to see what value, what filter I’m using. It’s okay to give myself time, but I know that time doesn’t always mean an easier decision.

Sometimes the choice clearly presents itself over time, and other time that time convolutes. Because other people’s opinions and filters and things come into play, and now you’re in indecision. You’re stuck. It’s like Candyland. You’re in the swamp and can’t get out, right? o how to you identify when do you make a decision on the spot, and how do you decide to decide at a later time, right? 

Erin: So sometimes there’s certain things, but I guess it’s just that gut feeling of this is it. This is the way to go, and I know it. Then there’s other things that come up that I don’t have that gut feeling about yet. So then I’m like oh, I don’t know.

Angela: What does your brain do in the time between I don’t know to I know?

Erin: This is a great. I haven’t really thought about that process. So my thoughts right now are that I think what it is. I know deep down in my gut what my choice is going to be, but there’s so many other like little factors. Like oh well, but this. Oh, this is how it’s always been done. Then this is how other people want this to be done. So I think that time really is just my feelings of indecision with other people’s thoughts filtering in and kind of speaking to my little thoughts and making me feel like oh, I don’t know yet. Probably I do know already. 

Angela: Yeah, yeah. So what it sounds like you’re saying is you’re just giving time for the truth of what you do know to come to the surface?

Erin: Yeah, yes, exactly. Yeah, that’s exactly what it feels like. 

Angela: Right. I think this is a skill you’re going to learn is you’re going to learn how to make that process happen faster and faster over time. Because you’re going to start to trust it. When you give yourself the time, you’re like I just need some time. I have another client who’s like she needs time for decisions, but she lets that come to the surface. Now she’s able to do it more quickly. It’s inspiring to know that you won’t always have to give something so much time. 

Another thing you can do is like give it a limit. Like I’m gonna think about this for one day and see what comes to the surface. That’s why I ask myself if I had to decide this right now, what would my gut reaction be and why? Because I can fast track and get to the heart of what it is. Because I can see like what are the fears or obstacles in my way from making the decision I want to make, you know what I’m saying? When we want to make a decision, but we’re afraid of what other people will think or what they’ll say or their opinions.

It usually comes down to like we’re worried about something about somebody else, right? Or we fear using a resource. It’s going to take time or effort or money when we’re in that fear. We want to look at do we love the reason behind our decision? If we’re afraid to decide because of time, money, effort, or other people’s opinions, do we love that filter that we’re using right now? So that’s gonna grow in you Erin. 

Erin: Yeah. Had a little coaching session right there.

Angela: Yeah, here we go. You got a live session. We dive into it, right. But that’s what this is about. It’s like hearing the process in real time so that people can understand. Look, you guys to my knowledge, I’m the only certified life and leadership coach or school leaders that I know of. I mean, I know there’s other mentors and book authors and programs, but I don’t know that there’s anybody doing it like I’m doing it. 

As a certified life coach that brings in the leadership skills and the mentorship, I feel like this is like the most powerful program on the planet for school leaders. I really, really do. Which is why I’m excited that we’re launching the Empowered Principal® Collaborative where we’re not just – I’m offering one on one for those who want that one on one experience, but the group experience is going to be phenomenal.

Because listen up, guys, you’re gonna have people like Erin in your group who’ve been around the block for a year, who can mentor and coach you in addition to being coached with me and other experts in the room. I just think it is going to be a grand slam experience for school leaders, don’t you think?

Erin: Oh, I think so. I’m excited. 

Angela: I’m so excited about it too. It’s gonna be so fun. So anyway, okay. Let me think. Erin, there’s so much that you’ve covered. I just want to ask you like what do you want to share with the listeners? What is it you want fellow colleagues and brand new school leaders to know?

Erin: Yeah, well the person who I was a year ago is a totally different person than I am right now. It is just like, I think people are tired of hearing me talk about my coach. In my session we talked about this and oh yeah, we brought that up because it just has permeated my life. Not just my work life, but my personal life as well. It’s helped me embrace being human and this human experience. 

That we’re meant to have the feelings of joy and excitement, but also fear and disappointment. Those things are along the ride too. They’re gonna show up in our bodies and in our thoughts. Learning to become self-aware of all of that has been just so powerful for me. It is an exciting journey. So Anybody who can have an experience with a coach, I will 100% say, do it. If you do it, your district might pay for it too.

Angela: Yes, we found that out, didn’t we? It’s so funny. Erin signed up for the one on one experience. She committed. She did it herself. But did you talk to your district about it? I don’t really know what happened there.

Erin: So I decided I’m just gonna do it. Then I went, and I talked to my district afterwards and said hey, I’m gonna do this thing. There’s always professional development monies available. They’re like okay, sure. We’ll help pay for that. So they helped fund it for me. 

Angela: That’s so great. 

Erin: Yes. So the fruits of their investment is big. 

Angela: Oh, it’s exponential. 

Erin: Yeah. So I think they see that and know the value that it’s created in our school. I’m like.

Angela: Keep it going. 

Erin: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Angela: I mean, I truly believe every single school leader should have the opportunity and the privilege of having a coach because it not only expands your capacity to provide bigger value as a school leader, but your experience of the school leadership position, which includes the experience in your life. 

Because you think about when I think back to how miserable I was unknowingly as a school leader, how tired and exhausted and overwhelmed and frustrated and disempowered I felt as a school leader, I felt so alone. So isolated. I feel like I couldn’t talk to anybody in my district because I shouldn’t be not knowing or discouraged. 

But then I would come home, and then it would permeate in my personal life. I don’t want that for any school leader because you get to talk about whatever’s on your mind here in this program so that you can coach on it and be free and clear to go and have a personal life that’s truly outside of your school leadership experience, right?

Erin: Yes. 

Angela: It’s just so much bigger than just the skill of being a leader. It’s the skill of leading your life.

Erin: I’ve had people ask me so how was your first year? I respond to them like it was amazing. I had a great first year. The look on their faces is shock. They don’t expect me to say that I’ve had an amazing first year being principal. That just blows my mind. I’ve had that conversation multiple times, and it’s the same reaction every time. I go I had an amazing experience and a great year, and I love that I can say that. So.

Angela: I love that you shared that. I have a client. She’s been on the podcast. Her name is Amy Garber. I remember she coached me her first year. Then she was nervous to reinvest again for the second year. Her husband was like no, it’s a lot of money. We can’t do it again. She was crying. She didn’t want her second year to be worse than her first year. 

Well, guess what? I coached her on pitching the district for professional development funds. They paid for it. They paid for it, like almost all of it. I think about 75% or 80% of the funding. So her husband was like of course you can have the rest. It was a no brainer. We joked about it at the end of this school year because she said, I thought it wasn’t possible to have a better second year because my first year was so good, but it just got better. Erin, I just want you to think a year from now. What do you envision the second year being like?

Erin: I’m so excited. I am excited to hopefully help my teachers also feel excited. For them to feel empowered and excited is just like you feel with coaching us. That’s how I would feel. They’re being successful. They’re doing amazing things. They’re rocking it. That’s what I want to see. So that’s kind of what I envision.

Angela:  Yeah. That’s what our coaching for the following year is going to be. We’re going to talk about now that you have embodied what it feels like to have a coach and to be coached, I’m going to teach you how to coach them. Because this work, because it’s a labor of love and it’s out of love that we do coaching and mentorship, we’re really – 

Here’s what I think. All that coaching is, is helping us build our own belief in ourselves. It’s expanding our self-concept in how good life can get, how big of a contribution we can make, how beautiful this experience can be. We just keep expanding that portal into like bigger and better experiences. What I love about coaching is that I never thought this possible. It just keeps growing and expanding. My contribution expands your contribution, your contribution expands your teachers. We are literally leaving legacies behind .That is the entire intention of education, is it not? 

Erin: Yeah, so much. We’re doing it. It’s just learning. It’s teaching and learning in a new way that’s focusing on thoughts and emotions over actions and skills and memory recall. That kind of thing, which is all important. But this is another approach to take just to expand. Oh, it’s so good. Okay. If there’s somebody thinking about coaching, they’re on the fence, they’re nervous, they’re scared, they’re unsure, what would your recommendation be for them?

Erin: They’re worth it. They’re worth that investment, and to jump in and do it because it just creates so much value in our lives. They’re worth it. So they can do it. Just do it.

Angela: Do it.

Erin: Do it. 

Angela: It’s funny. The fear that you feel about saying yes to the program or asking your district for professional – By the way, I just want to say out loud. If you’re interested in either the one on one program or the collaborative group coaching program, be willing to pay for it yourself and then get coached on how to ask the district for funding because that’s something I teach you a very specific approach to asking them. 

100% of my clients who let me coach them first, they get some or all of the funding paid every single time because there is a way to ask for funding that shows the superintendent or whoever you’re asking that what’s in it for them, the value in it for them. Because if they’re making a decision to invest in you, they need to understand what they’re getting in return for that investment. So I teach you that process. 

So if you’re thinking about that, join the program, have some skin in the game, and be all in, and be willing to invest in yourself because you are worth it. I love that you said that. This really does come down to believing in yourself and being able and willing to receive the coaching. But I will help you get the funding for professional development. So it’s a win-win. You can’t lose. Okay, guys.

Erin, thank you so much. What an honor to be your coach, what an honor to work with you and know you as a friend. I just cannot wait to see the impact. You are going to have such an impact. Your legacy is going to be phenomenal. I’m on the sidelines cheering you on every minute. 

Erin: Thank you. 

Angela: Have a wonderful day. Talk to you guys soon. Take care everybody. See you next week. Bye.

Hey there empowered principal. If you enjoyed the content in this podcast, I invite you to join the Empowered Principal® Collaborative. It’s my latest offer for aspiring and current school leaders who want to experience exceptional impact and enjoy the school leadership experience. 

Look, you don’t have to overwork and overexert to be a successful school leader. You’ll be mentored weekly and surrounded by supportive likeminded colleagues who truly understand what it means to be a school leader. So join us today and become a member of the only certified life and leadership coaching program for school leaders in the country. Just head on over to angelakellycoaching.com/work-with-me to learn more and join. I’ll see you inside of the Empowered Principal® Collaborative. 

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Empowered Principal® Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, please visit angelakellycoaching.com where you can sign up for weekly updates and learn more about the tools that will help you become an emotionally fit school leader.