Ep #168: Choosing Connection as a Leadership Strategy with Jodi Schilling

Hello empowered principals. Welcome to episode 168.

Welcome to The Empowered Principal Podcast, a not so typical educational resource that will teach you how to gain control of your career and get emotionally fit to lead your school and your life with joy by refining your most powerful tool, your mind. Here’s your host certified life coach Angela Kelly Robeck.

Angela: Well hello my empowered leaders and happy Tuesday. For those of you who are new, welcome to the podcast. This month in the month of March we are focusing on the value of connection as a leader, and how taking time for connection enhances your experience as a leader and your influence and impact as a leader. Which ultimately is what impacts and creates your leadership legacy.

I have to tell you guys my word for 2021 this year has been connection. I personally have been very committed and focused on completely creating more connection in my life. More connection with each of you as clients, with fellow coaches and educators, and more connection with myself and my friends and family. I’ve really made a point to reach out and put connection on my physical calendar and make it a thing that I actually do every single week for the year of 2021.

What’s great about this is that it’s pushing me to get out of my own bubble. I know it’s easy for us school leaders to really be in that bubble and to just get hyper focused on work and home. That’s all that we do.

So considering connection as a solution to expanding your impact and influence as a leader really has been…I think for me it has been really gratifying in just the last 30 days. Today is February 2^nd we’re recording. I have had so much fun connecting with people outside of my general circles. All of the folks that I’ve had on the podcast in the past month have been a direct result of my commitment to creating more connection in my life. I’m so happy I’ve done this because these new connections are creating so much value for you and for this podcast as empowered principals.

So here with me today talking about connection is Jodi Schilling. During the day Jodi is an assistant principle for an online education program. By night she’s a certified life coach for mom’s wanting happy and healthy families. She’s been an educator for 22 years with six years of school leadership under her belt, and she is mom to four of her own children. Jodi supports mother’s by helping them focus on their child’s brilliance and strengths. Giving those mothers permission to feel confident and release the need for total control. I’m sure you can relate and I’m so excited to have Jodi. Jodi, welcome to the podcast today.

Jodi: Thanks so much for having me Angela. I’m so glad to be here.

Angela: I know. We’ve connected. We’re both educators. We’re both principals. We’re both certified through the life coach school. So we have had many different crossings in our path. Finally I was able to snag Jodi and get her on the podcast. I’m really excited because this month we’re talking about connection, and that’s what Jodi’s really brilliant at. She is an assistant principal, but she’s also a mother. She has to find time in her day and her week to connect with her own family, herself, her staff, and students, and also her clients that she coaches in the evenings.

So Jodi, tell the listeners about your personal story. How you landed in education, where you are today in your work. I know you’re going through a lot of transition right now in your career. I’m super excited for people to hear about that. Then tell them about the work you’re offering and the new and up and coming events and career shifts in your life.

Jodi: Thank you. Yes. So I started as a kindergarten teacher actually. I really went into education because I was one of those who my home life growing up was not always the safest place. So coming to school was that. Then we have that with our students. We see that so often as well. So I taught kindergarten for seven years and then I was a first grade teacher.  I always saw leadership on the horizon because I was kind of a natural coach within my teams as a teacher as well.

So I went the route of being an instructional coach before going into leadership. Then I circled back after having some years as an assistant principal in elementary school. I circled back and found the life coach school and then stared the coaching. I really found that the whole idea of the coaching has just been a part of my journey as a school leader and as a mom and just in all of my connections. So that’s where I think that the coaching piece is where I want to move in the next phase, I guess.

Angela:  I love it.

Jodi: Where I really home in on the coaching part. Yes.

Angela: Yes, yes. So can you tell me a little bit more about…Your journey and my journey are so similar. Like it’s stunning to me. For those other people who have been listening to the podcast for years, they know my story.  I was a kindergarten teacher. Then I went on to teaching first grade. Then I was a reading specialist. Then I was an instructional coach. Then I went into school leadership. Like we have a very similar path. Yeah. Then I was really struggling. Teaching, yes, I struggled in the beginning, but I had my colleagues. I had a mentor. I picked it up and I ran with it. I loved it.

I got into school leadership and it just didn’t feel the same. I felt like I was so isolated, so alone. I had no idea what I was doing. I really did not believe in myself was the clue. I did not believe that I was capable of being a leader. I had friends and family outside of the education world telling me like, “Maybe you’re just not cut out for school leadership.” Because I was crying all the time. I’m like what have I gotten myself into?

As a single mom, I had my son and trying to figure out life on our own. Coaching saved me. It saved me personally, and then it saved me professionally. I would love to hear your coaching story, and how coaching really has impacted the way that you teach and then the way that you lead. I’m not sure where it came into your life, but how it’s helped you become a more empowered school leader. And how it’s empowering you into this next stage of your career.

Jodi: Definitely, yes. That’s so interesting that you say that story because my self-doubt as an assistant principal. There’s something about going from assistant principal to principal and kind of this expectation that you’re, at least in the districts I was in, there was an expectation for that. I always felt some self-doubt about was I ready to step into that from assistant to principal? So I was always having that argument in my mind. Am I really ready? Am I cut out for that?

Coaching seems to be where I felt more confident. My coaching was to kind of oversee the lab programs. So when I was in that leadership role as a coach, I kept analyzing what’s the difference between that versus going into as an assistant principal?

Angela: Yes. Yes.

Jodi: So I toggled between like what is going on with me with that? Then it was during my, I think, third year as an assistant principal that I came across the life coach school podcast and then was able to be a part of learning the model and taking coaching. First personally because of my own kind of personal introduction into coaching was more for weight loss. So that was tied up more with my own stuff.

Then I could take it and replicate it in so many areas of my life. The first one was my family. Because my family’s story was that I have four kids that are now young adults, but on the spectrum of different personalities and abilities and everything.  They’re such a great example of what we see with kids in any classroom or in any school or any setting that there’s such uniqueness in them. So with my kids, I had ones that were very challenged with their disabilities, but also on the other end with qualifying as gifted.

I just had this realization as I went into coaching that my story about my kids and my family was really not the story I wanted to be telling about them. So when I was able to see that and apply that, again with my personal life but then with my family. Then it was just like okay. Now I can put this out everywhere I go.

Then it was a part of my, as a school leader as well. I was able to just go into any conversation or any IEP meeting or any problem or PD session or anything and apply the coaching principals. That I could tell the story that was going to serve the outcome I wanted. This word gets so overused, but it was so empowering.

Angela: Yes.

Jodi: It was just such a game changer.

Angela: Oh well you’re in the field of empowerment. That’s The Empowered Principal Podcast, right? Like it’s okay to say empowerment as many times as you want because that’s what we’re going to do. Really Jodi like that is so, so golden. When I hired a coach and I went into coaching, actually my first experience was with Martha Beck. I went through her life coaching training program. I had no idea what it was, but I was like my life’s a mess. I need help. I don’t know what life coaching is, but I’m going to take it.

I wasn’t taking it to become a coach. I was just taking it to like literally ground myself in some way, shape, or from. I had the privilege of coaching directly with her for nine months. So such an honor to Dr. Martha Beck whom I love dearly, dearly. She did save my life. Like there were moments that I felt actually depressed and so low. Because I was a single mom, I felt that I wasn’t doing it. I felt I wasn’t being the mom I needed to be. I felt I wasn’t showing up in the world I wanted to show up as a role model for my son. I was a mess at school. I really did not know how to get out of that.

So when you hire a coach, sometimes you think you’re solving one problem. The beautiful thing about it is then you start to see how it impacts every single aspect of your life. Because first I got the personal stuff under control. Then I started getting the leadership under control. Then I started getting my romantic relationships. I started dating again. I started getting into romantic relationships. I remarried when I said I was never going to remarry. I ended up losing weight.

It’s crazy how it impacts all the parts of your life from friendship to family members. Dealing with personal relationships within my family. As you’re saying, this is what you do now. You help families make those connections with one another. Connecting with yourself is how this all starts. What it does, the ripple effect and the compound effect of coaching, it’s almost beyond words how valuable it is.

Jodi: I agree. 100%.

Angela: Yeah. So tell the listeners like what types of things do you do to connect with yourself? What coaching tools or strategies do you use to help you connect with yourself? Then how does that help you connect with others at school and with your own children and with your clients.

Jodi: Yes. I am one who is a morning thought download journal person. I have to start my day off that way just getting my thoughts out of my brain. So that’s how I connect with myself initially. Where there’s areas of my life that I’m not disciplined, my thought download in the morning with my coffee is something I do. Just every day.

Angela: Me too.

Jodi: It’s got to happen. So that’s the first thing I do with myself. That’s really powerful for me. Then I enjoy, I do some bullet journaling actually. So that’s another thing that I work with my clients on because there’s a creative outlet. We talk so much about the input. I think as educators too it’s all about we’re always trying to get more information in. We’re always learning. We’re always having that focus. But to have some outlet to put more out there. So the idea of creating is another way that I do that in the mornings.

Then as far as connecting, the way that I always kind of start out, I guess, is that I start out any day with my family members, my clients, my colleagues at work that how can we start with connection first and foremost? Because connecting is kind of a lowering of the anxiety. It’s the space where you can just say it’s okay, right.

Angela: Absolutely. Yes.

Jodi: It’s like I’m here. I’m connecting with you human to human. Like all of the other stuff and all the expectations about the world. I think as leaders too we have almost this invisible agenda in my mind that we’re a school leader, and we have an expectation to uphold in that role. So it’s always there. If we can set it aside and just connect first, then we can still do all that work and do a really great job of it. It’s just being at the most human connected level that you can be.

I know that people have had these same experiences as I have. Where you don’t expect to connect at all with another human being. You might even just be on your morning walk. There’s a neighbor that you didn’t know you even had in the same neighborhood. You take the time to just look at that person with eye contact and connection in a way that’s just human to human. It’s one of those things that is always hard to articulate.

But when you are looking at a person in a way that says, “I see you. I notice you. I know that you’re human. We have something in common. We share a concern.” I think at school we all have the same concerns. We wouldn’t be in education if we didn’t. If we didn’t care about kids. In family, it’s the same way. We care about our family. We’re family. We want to stay connected. We want to have that kind of safety about the idea that we’re connected.

Angela: Yes. Exactly. I love what you said because it really breaks the fear down, right? Because connection is about comfort. It’s about safety and comfort and feeling seen and understood. I love that you…I always talk about our thoughts as stories too. Like the stories we’re telling ourselves and what we’re making a story mean about ourselves or about a person. It’s really easy in school leadership to kind of get caught up into those stories.

When you walk onto the campus, you have a story about your staff at large. You have a story about individual staff members. You have a story about certain kids or certain families or just any staff member. That’s not wrong. Our brain’s wired to do that, but it’s the awareness piece. It’s the awareness that we have the story. Then the story gets to drop for a second we look at somebody and we just say good morning and we mean it. Or we say how are you doing, and we actually take time to hear the answer to that question.

Those little actions, even though they might feel momentous because they take up time and your brain is telling you you don’t have the time. In that moment, you get to drop into just being. Connection takes away all the fear, all the frustrations, all the anxiety or stress or hate or whatever is weighing you down in those stories. It just slips away into that moment of seeing another person for the human being that they are. So I love the way that you said that.

I know you and I talked about this offline, and I want to bring it up specifically because you mentioned something about your own children. I love, love that you said you have a child that was struggling. And that you’re sharing this story. That you have a child that struggled but also a child on the higher end of the performance spectrum, right.

Jodi: Highly capable.

Angela: Yes, highly capable. I know that schools, we have programs for kids who struggle, and we have programs for kid who excel. But as a parent, the stress level in making sure that your child is getting what he or she needs. Like we have a story about that too, right? That the school needs to provide this particular this or that. I know listeners spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how to serve kids with special needs. Kids that might be struggling academically or medically, physically, mentally, emotionally, academically, in any shape, way, or from. Then also the kid who are excelling in a particular way.

Talk to me about your thoughts around one, having your own children with those completely diverse needs. Then how you view it as a school leader. A lot of our listeners are first year, second year, third year principles. They’re new to the positions, and they want to know how to approach families and connect with families who have children with all the different needs. So what are your thoughts about that Jodi?

Jodi: I for a long time was I fell into the same trap. I think it’s natural as mom and as a parent and as a teacher to think that this idea and this story that we have. You have a child, and they have certain needs that need to be met. There’s an external kind of process or procedure. Whether it’s even kids who have IEPs who need therapy or medication or something like that. We have a story that there’s an external kind of thing that we need to give to the student.

What I really learned in my own family that just changed everything was to have a 100% kind of acceptance that we have exactly what we need. That they don’t need anything external to fix them or to correct them or to improve them. This mindset that they were perfect and exactly the way they needed to be was such a difference for me. What I realized is that kids have their own unique gifts regardless of whatever diagnosis they have or skill level or anything else. So they have their own set of interests.

We know this, right. We talk to kids. We hear them talk about what they’d love to do or what they enjoy. They all have their own brilliance. Their own genius. Their own things that if we just take those extra labels off whether it’s on the high end with gifted or whether it’s on the low end and it’s a learning disability with reading or dyslexia or something like that. If we just take all of those off and we just look at the person as a human being who has all of these enormous gifts.

When I started to just think of my kids that way. That I didn’t need to fix them. I didn’t need to find the solution out here somewhere that needed to improve. Then I could just really see them blossom. I could come from that place of abundance. And that place of they’re exactly where they need to be right now.

That’s not to say that I didn’t go out and look for therapy or treatment or medication to help with that, but it’s such a different place to come from that we don’t have to do that to fix them. That there’s something wrong with them. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re exactly the way they are supposed to be.

Then we can, from that space, go okay. If emotional regulation is really challenging, then maybe there is something that helps with that. That helps them enhance and bring out the strengths that they do already have. That’s just such a difference. Am I explaining that well?

Angela: Yes. I think from the parent’s perspective, absolutely. I think when that shift happens for parents, that is a beautiful acceptance and connection with your child just as they are. For all the listeners out there, I think that’s a beautiful way for you to connect as an educator with every student in your school in terms of having the thought that they are perfect just the way they are. There is nothing that needs to be fixed or changed. Nothing has gone wrong.

I think that we think that if a student isn’t performing on grade level, which we measure them by some made up standards. Whether they’re on grade level or not, we think that something’s wrong with the child. We use that energy, that mindset, to try and fix them versus taking the child for exactly where they’re at and then providing information and supports and curriculum and activities in a way that works for them. So that is a beautiful way of saying it.

I know what my listeners are thinking because I’ve had this happen so many times too. You’re sitting in an IEP meeting as the school leader, right. Especially when you’re new you’re kind of anxious. You’re not really sure of all the laws and all the rules. You’re just trying to follow the agenda, but you’ve got parents who are coming in who aren’t in the space that you are in Jodi. They haven’t really reconciled, or they don’t have the coaching services to know how to reconcile and really be at peace with the connection that they have with their child.

So when families are in that kind of almost like a crisis, I would say. I know that you have in the past worked with families in crisis. What is something that a principal can do? How can he or she create some kind of space for that family to meet the family where they’re at without feeling like they have to kind of how do I say this? Like give them all of these services and supports. Sometimes the parents are coming in like, “I want you to fix all the things.” The school doesn’t maybe have the resources, right. You’re in that kind sticky situation. What are your thoughts on that in terms of the school leaders? How can they create space for our families?

Jodi: Yes. I think as a school leader, going into any IEP meeting, 504 meeting, or even just a support meeting where you’re talking about how do we help the family and the student. I think coming with the mindset from the beginning that this is more than just checking the box of starting with strengths. We’ve all followed those templates, right, where it’s like, “Let’s talk about the strengths first.”

I think instead of just doing that as a check the box activity, I think really coming at it from that idea that tell me about your child. This goes to the connection piece really. Let’s just talk. Before we talk about all the actions that we want to take later, let’s just really connect with the family first. So my advice to any leader is to put the whole agenda aside for a minute and just have that space. Create the space to connect and say, “Tell me about your child. Tell me what they really like to do. Tell me what’s going on for them.”

I’ve had IEP meetings that have been a beautiful time where it’s honestly just like a conversation that doesn’t have any real expectation or agenda. You’re going into it with the curiosity of like I wonder what you’re going to find out about the student and their strengths and their interests. It’s really about knowing the family and knowing the child.

I would say like in terms of time frame, take that time at the beginning where it’s almost like a quarter of the time for the meeting just for the connection piece. Just really get a good sense of what the child’s strengths are. When I say strengths, I also mean interests and I also mean really their brilliance. I mean coming at it from what are they brilliant about? Because so many students with those…The brain is so unique, right. It’s so incredible and amazing.

Many kids who are on IEPs have developed parts of their brain that kids who don’t need to be on an IEP don’t ever have to develop. So they have developed ways of picking up observational skills, for examples. Or kids on the spectrum have, as we’ve seen, such unique abilities with memory and things like that. So really focusing on those parts of their brain that are brilliant and building on it is the first thing I would say coming into it.

Angela: Yes, I love that. Because one of the things I learned very quickly. I have to shout out to my special education team at my elementary school. They were so talented and so gifted in not just their skillset as educators and as specialists. Like my speech therapist was amazing. Our resource teacher was amazing. She had twin girls with special needs of their own. So these people not only knew their craft really well, but they knew people.

They knew that calling in and checking at home. How are things going? How are you doing as a parent? Not just like what’s going on with the kid, but how are you doing and checking in with the parent. Understanding their life and what was happening for them and how they were thinking and feeling about their children. A lot of times, of course there’s love there, but parents can also feel angry. They can be upset. They can feel like this isn’t fair for them as parents to have to deal with this that their child is being viewed in a different way. That they’re not normal. There’s a lot of labels that happen for families.

When you can talk into that IEP room and it’s not about the agenda. It’s not about getting the paperwork filled out. But it’s about just hearing where they’re at and their emotional state, their mental state, and what they’re thinking about their child. Then helping them see, right, through those conversations about the strength and the brilliance versus what they can’t do. Basing everything on that IEP in terms of services and goals, IEP goals. Having those goals be based on what do they already know and what’s the next step?

Jodi: Definitely, yes.

Angela: That’s super fun. It makes IEPs so much more fun when you slow down and connect with people because, like you said, it ends up becoming just a meeting and conversation. I will say this. If there’s anything I’ve learned about principalship, it’s when people feel heard and understood, that takes the wind out of their sails so fast. When they feel seen and heard, then they’re ready to get down to the conversation and have those talks about what’s working, what’s not, what are we going to do differently.

So thank you for sharing that Jodi because I know that IEPs can be really sensitive for principals, but definitely for families. I think that letting each other see the concern and the worries and the fears and the doubts and the struggles. Letting that all be a part of the process and holding space for that really is how you feel more connected. It also reduces the tension.

Jodi: For sure. For sure. The word that comes to mind that I’ll add Angela is the word validation.

Angela: Yes.

Jodi: Any words gets different interpretations of it, but validation is the same as being heard, I think. So for families to have validation being really hard, for them to have validation for them to be sad or to be angry or frustrated, to validate that emotion. There’s a difference between validating if they say, “My child will not ever be able to win the spelling be or whatever.” They have a low expectation. We don’t have to validate what they’re actually saying, but we can validate their fear of that. We can validate their emotion.

Angela: Yes. Yes. Good distinction. I really like that. So we know that connection is really important for students and staff and school leaders. But with all there is to do as a school leader, it seems that connection and prioritizing this emotional mental connection with other people, it tends to get put on the back burner.

So what mindset tips can you give school leaders that help them balance their work time with connection or others and of themselves, right? This self-care piece. Why choosing connection as an actual leadership strategy, how does that evolve their leadership for the kids? I just think making school a better place through connection.

Jodi: Yes. I would say that I think, again, if it’s your starting point. If you’re looking at your day and you’re thinking, “Okay. Here’s my schedule for the day.” You’re thinking of it as these are all the tasks that need to be completed. Or these are all the meetings I have or evaluations or classrooms. If you start with connection as something that you prioritize first and you put that in your day, even if you have to put it in your calendar.

Angela: Yes. You should put it on your calendar, actually.

Jodi: Yeah, I mean honestly.

Angela: Because it shows value, right. When it’s on your calendar, what you’re saying is this has value and meaning and purpose to my day. It’s important enough to take up space on my calendar, right. I hammer that home with my clients. So I’ve got to say it right now. I didn’t mean to interrupt you, but I really want to say it. You have to validate its importance and its value and connection.

I’m walking proof of it right now. I reached out this year. I’m connecting with Jodi. I’m connecting with so many coaches and so many new clients because I’ve decided that that’s the most important thing. It’s on my calendar. I think to what Jodi’s saying is we have to validate it. Yeah, so keep going. I love it. Keep going. Preach girl.

Jodi: No. I also think that we learned in leadership school too that relationships are so important. So, again, it’s one of those things where we have this knowledge, this idea that we need to have relationships and they need to be prioritized. I think that we have this kind of blind acceptance that yeah, yeah, yeah. We have to do that.

I know there’s a lot of leaders who feel like that’s not my strength. Maybe that isn’t my strength. I’m a leader because I get things done. I am action oriented. They identify that way. I think that that’s awesome because I’ve worked with a lot of leaders and I’ve read a lot of teams where we see these different strengths. And we know that they all bring value to having a productive team, right.

I think especially for leaders who feel like that’s not…I don’t feel comfortable with that. You have to be vulnerable to connect sometimes with people. We’re talking about emotions and sometimes I’m not comfortable with that. What I say about that is it’s okay to not be comfortable with it. I personally have seen it so many times where people will always give grace when a person is trying to connect even if it’s not comfortable.

Even if they’re like, “How are you doing?” And the other person doesn’t really feel like sharing. Just the act of saying how are you doing is something that everybody in that environment appreciates. There’s something that just makes you go, “Oh, they’re trying to connect.” We all give grace. If it doesn’t go perfectly, that’s not the important part. In terms of I like—Again, this is a word that gets tossed around a lot, but the emotional safety just gives a space to get to the higher part of our brain to get the work done.

I think that if we don’t have a space that feels emotionally safe, we don’t get to that next part. Everybody is kind of distracted by, “I have this emotional thing happening at home, and I don’t want to talk about it because this is work and I need to keep that separate.”

Angela: Yes.

Jodi: One thing I’d like to share is there is a lot of work that comes from, I’m going to make sure I get this right. It’s out of Yale. We worked in one of my school with it.

Angela: We’ll put it in the show notes. Don’t worry. You don’t have to remember right now.

Jodi: A kid’s ruler. Oh my goodness. Marc Brackett RULER for social emotional.

Angela: Okay perfect.

Jodi: Yes. So one of the strategies that is so fantastic, and I recommend doing is at a staff meeting having a moment at the beginning of the staff meeting that’s just that check in. That’s just totally satisfied for whatever people feel comfortable doing. You can do it even in what he has as the mood meter, but there’s many of them out there. It’s just the idea of on a scale of one to five, are you super stressed or are you feeling chill? Where are you emotionally? Just taking time.

I think, again, it sends that message that this is important, and we’re taking time to just check in emotionally. Because we know that on the hierarchy if we’re not taking care of our own emotions then we’re not going to access the part of our brain where we can do high level thinking and problem solving.

Angela: Yes, absolutely. You know it’s funny. Like when you said that it made me think about all the different types of kind of emotional levels, right. You are speaking of that emotional safety. It’s almost like Maslow’s hierarchy. We’re thinking of it in terms of vulnerability and that safety. You have to have a space that’s safe for you. Somebody you can talk to to get it all out. Not just vent but really like process the emotion. Sometimes you have a mentor or a coach.

Like my clients know they can process any emotion with me and that it’s a really safe confidential private space for them. That’s that vulnerability piece that’s so foundational. Then you kind of get into that emotional wellbeing, which is like okay. I’m not struggling. I’m doing well. Then there’s kind of emotional fitness where you’re like feeling really good. Then you get to this emotional resilience where you’re not afraid of any emotion because you know what it is. You know it’s coming from your brain, your thoughts about something that’s happened in your life. You know that you can tolerate and feel any emotion.

So I loved the way you described that. I think part of our self-care as school leaders is kind of recognizing where are we on that emotional spectrum? What is it that I need to do for myself in this moment? Am I barely making it and I need to get some sleep and have a cup of coffee with a girl friend and really share my feelings? Do I need mentorship and coaching? Am I feeling like I can coach other people and hold space for them? Am I willing to get vulnerable again and put myself out there at a higher level?

Jodi: Right, right. That’s how you connect with your staff. Using the example of the meeting again. Everybody talks about the meeting and whether it’s something that’s productive and a place to connect. That it is a space where it’s productive and connecting and everybody looks forward to coming. Versus it’s [inaudible].

Angela: Yes.

Jodi: So I think that when you have that part of your team when you have that part of your team where we check in emotionally, then you are creating that space for connection.

Angela: Yes.

Jodi: I think there’s so much stigma still around mental health. There’s this idea that we need to take care of that in private and not talk about it in this setting.

Angela: Yeah, exactly.

Jodi: I really want to switch that around. I think that just creates shame around it. It puts this pressure that’s unnecessary for us. It’s so much better when we can say, “Yeah, I’m really struggling today. To tell you the truth, I need to take a minute. I need a break.”

Angela: Right, yes.

Jodi: That’s how you connect with people to be like yeah. That’s how I’m feeling too. We’re all there. I think when you have something going on at school in particular, a lot of times it’s the elephant in the room. That the new curriculum thing is a big issue. Leaders want to not talk about it. They don’t want to open up that can of worms. They don’t want to get emotional. I just think that we need to lean into that and be able to call out the elephant even if it’s not comfortable. That’s another way that we can connect as well. So that’s just a side note, but another one that I, yeah.

Angela: Yeah. I feel like we have to have a whole month talking about staff meetings and how to set them up because they really are. They consume a lot of, especially new leaders. They consume their time and their mental energy because they’re always thinking about, “Oh my gosh. Now I’ve got to do this at the staff meeting. Oh these people were talking at the staff meeting. Oh they didn’t like the way this staff meeting went.” Like I should do a thing on staff meetings. To your point, staff meetings are a big deal because of that. There is so much potential for them.

One of the things that, in addition to what Jodi said, that I want to add is that if there is something going on for your staff, I do completely agree that you should open. Like I was super vulnerable. I would walk in. I had a parent come at me sideways right before a staff meeting. I was in tears. I would just walk in and say, “Hey, this just happened to me. Here’s what I did wrong. Like I did not see this coming and here’s why.”

I would share that with them because I wanted them to see like hey, number one, I don’t have all the answers. I’m not perfect. Number two, I want you to know that it’s okay to do it wrong and then try to make it right. Brené Brown says, “I’m not here to be right. I’m here to get it right.” So we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to trip up. We’re going to botch it and have to fix it and do it again. That’s all good. Your staff meetings are going to go that way.

But one of the things that really helped me was when there was an issue on campus, before I did open the can of worms, I had to clean up my own thoughts and emotions about what I thought about it. Like let’s say the curriculum is like it’s been a bomb, right. Everyone’s a mess. It’s not working. People don’t know how to do it. When we switched to online, right. When we switched to remote learning, everybody was like ah.

We have to what are thinking and feeling about technology or about curriculum so that we can kind of come in with a neutral mindset. Because we have to be able to hold space for everybody else’s emotions. They haven’t learned the skill yet of holding space for themselves. So that is something as leaders that we want to learn how to do. That’s something that Jodi teaches families and moms, right, and something that I teach school leaders.

So Jodi, let’s talk. Tell the people. If they want to learn more about you, where can they go? Who do you specialize in helping? How can people get in touch with you?

Jodi: Yes. So right now, and I’ll just be totally vulnerable and honest about it here too. Right now I am going into this transition where I am doing more coaching. I’m really focused on basically moms who have this expectation of being a good mom. They have kids who have struggled. Let’s be honest. I don’t know what family doesn’t at something or another.

Angela: Yes. We have been there.

Jodi: Some of us had pretty extreme situations. In my family, I love to tell my story now about how we are a family that’s resilient and connected and close because we truly are. We had a COVID Christmas to prove it, right.

Angela: Yes.

Jodi: I really work for those moms who just are struggling with their identity are a mom. They have kids who could be struggling for any number of things. I just like to help moms feel like they can lower those expectations and focus on connection and focus on relationships. Through coaching I can help them realize that being a mom, there’s not a rulebook of being perfect or not or any of that. But that they can be the mom they want to be. A lot of the moms I’m working with right now, they’re really going through that transition just like I am where they’ve had this identity of if I do it all right as a mom then I’ll arrive at the good mom land or whatever.

Angela: Yes. You’ll get the award, right.

Jodi: Right. There’s no award there. But we can have a connected family. It’s not always all about us. It’s about connecting with the family. So that’s what I’m working on and really, really enjoying. I have a podcast that I’ve recently started called The Family Crisis Podcast. We might be shifting the name eventually, but right now that’s where you can find my podcast. It’s weekly. We talk about all the things in family crisis that we can do better with and get better at. Then to find me I have a website right now that’s thereallifelifecoach.com. We’ll put that in the show notes too I’m sure.

Angela: For sure, yes.

Jodi: But on my website there’s a place to connect where you can see my podcast or connect coaching to work with me, all of that.

Angela: Awesome.

Jodi: I also have resources that I can share around setting boundaries, for example. Some of those just really key strategies as a mom with kids, particularly in the relationship part. Where setting clear boundaries without feeling like you have to have tough love or all of those things out there. Those labels that we talk about that are really challenging. Like to be called an enabler, for example, is a trigger for a lot of moms because we’re trying to do the best we can. We’re trying to set clear boundaries but not be too permissive. Just all of those external rules that are placed on mom.

Angela: Yeah. I mean having been a mom, being a mom. I’m still a mom of a 21 year old, almost 22 now. Wow. I can totally relate because you are doing this dance of wanting to do it right but not trying to be too soft but not trying to be too hard. You know my son and I have really open conversations as a young adult now. I love hearing his perspective. What I’ve learned is that there’s no one right way. To be honest, you could do it the right way and your kid’s going to find some fault in it. Right. There is something. Because we’re human.

So if you know a mom who is in struggle or if feeling like she needs to be different or better than she currently is or she’s feeling like there’s some destination she’s trying to reach, have them reach out to Jodi. Please refer her to Jodi. That’s what her specialty is. If you’re a mom struggling. I know school leaders out there, you are trying to lead your schools. You’ve got your kids at home. You’re trying to help them online learning. You’re trying to lead your school. It’s really a challenge.

So reach out to Jodi Schilling at thereallifelifecoach.com. Is that what it is? Thereallifelifecoach.com. I know she’s in the middle of this branding evolvement. So we’ll put her information in the show notes, but she is evolving her brand and getting a lot more specific. So you want to catch her now while you can. Go to her website for her programs and for some resources.

So Jodi, just so much gold here for the listeners today. Thank you for your time. It’s been such fun connecting with you over the last couple of weeks. I look forward to having a conversation. We might have to have you back on the podcast because I do want to do this whole thing on staff meetings. I think that we need to really get down and come up with a system for staff meetings. That might be kind of fun. It sounds like something you’re really good at.

Jodi: I would love it.

Angela: Yeah, yeah. Awesome.

Jodi: Thank you so much for having me.

Angela: Thank you Jodi. Take care. Have a great week.

Jodi: You too.

Angela: Bye.

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